Difficult

I've had some difficulty keeping up with this blog this week.  As I've experienced as I've gone along, things are not getting easier but harder.  Longer to recoup, but recoup I will!

A good part of Sunday night was spent being hungry and hitting the bathroom.  I continue to expel water every 2 hours because of the saline, I think.  Hunger?  The only thing I can figure to cause this is the extra Zofran I took on Saturday to curb the nausea.  I won't be doing that again!

Yesterday, I desperately tried to work some in the morning, but couldn't keep my mind on anything.  I was pretty well rested because of my 'sleep' Sunday, but I had a terrible taste in my mouth and felt 'hungry' in some weird sort of way.  I would eat one mouthful and it would taste good, then immediately not be able to taste it again.  I went through my day like this.  I think I actually overcompensated by eating literally one or two bites of a dozen different things. 

I went to see Heather, my massage therapist, to try to alleviate some of the back pain associated with the neulasta.  She spent time working out my kinks and pains.  I felt entirely renewed when I left.  It is amazing

TOPLESS

.... I knew that would get everyone's attention!!! I'm curious to see if my Audience stats and hits on my blog goes up because of this title!  Ah - a little behavioral experiment to pass the time...

I'm feeling a little tired tonight, but I had a very good day otherwise.  After a good night's sleep (thank you Tylenol PM!!) I went for my blood test, worked with a client for a several hours and off to meet with Heather of Hands On Massage and Wellness for a massage.  Before Bob and I went to Hawaii, I was going for massage on a regular basis.  I do believe in it's benefits  - did I mention that we went to Hawaii for our 25th Anniversary??  I'll save that for another post.

I decided to get back to massage after last week's chemo treatment.  While I was at Dyson, a therapist came to my lounge chair and gave me a bit of a back and neck massage.  What's nice is, a grant from Miles of Hope supplies this service.  You can even schedule a massage there at the Dyson Center and you simply give a donation as payment.  This is when I decided to go back to massage.  No, I'm not running or training like I used to, but I do feel the effects of the neulasta shot and my occasional burst of exercise at the studio or on the treadmill.  I have realized the benefits of massage for other reasons - stress relief, range of motion, joint flexibility, etc.  I'm not getting any younger and massage helped with all of that.  I was doing a little research and found this:

Massage stimulates the flow of lymph, the body's natural defense system, against toxic invaders. For example, in breast cancer patients, massage has been shown to increase the cells that fight cancer.

Well, that convinced me!  So, today was my first massage after BC!  I'll incorporate a session into my plans on Monday's after the Friday neutlasta shot and the acupuncture session on Sunday- a one-two-three punch for my white blood cells!!!

Topless?  Oh yeah - I took my wig off for the massage!!!

Crept up on me

Yesterday had an interesting, boring, finish...

You see, yesterday Dr. Rubin talked to me about all these side effects I was feeling - heart palpitations, exhaustion walking up the stairs, need to close my eyes, etc.  I guess it's because I've never actually experienced 'fatigue' but I didn't put the name on it.  I just kept doing and pushing and feeling these things. Well, yesterday after my appt with him and a few hours of work, I had to just lay down.  A few hours later I pushed the vacuum and the pain in my back was terrible!  So, back to resting again!  Something so unusual and rare for me, but necessary.  I awoke this morning feeling good again.

This is the hardest part for me.  I'm an unusually healthy person other than this cancer thing, so the thought that my body can't do what it always did is new to me.  I'm trying to know when I need to rest in order to be successful for the balance of the day.  Today is an example.  It takes me longer to get moving in the morning now, so coffee and the Journal gets some more time.  I've actually been eating breakfast!  I worked for about 3 hours and realized I was yawning way too much, so I layed down for an hour.  And here I am!  Feeling good again... for now.

Home again

Went to see Dr. Rubin, my incredibly talented Oncologist! (I know he and his mother are reading this!!!) Seriously, I think he's great - so, if you ever need a good Oncologist.... (said in my best yiddish accent!!) Oy vey!

Anyway, the news is white blood cell (wbc) count dropped dramatically to 900 or .9.  As a point of reference, before I had chemo last week, they were 6,000 or 6.0.  Right now, they didn't have the results that breaks down the different types of wbc's yet.  They will let me know those numbers when they are available.  With this low a wbc count, it makes me very susceptible to infection.  A condition called Neutropenia.  No big crowds, no mall shopping, no holiday craziness for me! 

Bob took one look at me and said "You are going home!" So - here we are.  I'm setting up to work from home more often then I thought we'd need to.  Currently we are sitting at the dining room table with our laptops, cell phones, etc.  I'll get office phones and other stuff more organized soon.  There are a few pluses to being home - I actually cooked dinner last night!  I can't remember the last time I cooked on a Wednesday... still thinking...

Better get to work.

normal as normal can be

Its Tuesday - Dance night!  I'm feeling pretty good today, so I expect things to go smoothly tonight.  I'm glad.  I could use a bit of normalcy right about now.

Over the past 2 days I've noticed that I'm not very functional in the morning.  Feeling very lightheaded and disoriented for a few hours.  Yesterday it was a longer time period.  Today lasted until about 11am, but afterward was really clearheaded.  I did the most of my work with customers then.  It's good to be distracted from it for a while.  I find my every waking moment can revolve around BC unless I do my normal activities to circumvent it.  I am being very cautious as I've been told to do - not eating raw foods, not touching my face, wash my hands, slept well, etc.  Everything I can do to get through these treatments on schedule.  A little exercise is good for all of us - that's for sure!  I won't over do it.  I promise.

Heading out... pretty excited about it....

Jay to the rescue!!!

So today I ventured into the office.  I had a few meetings lined up and with my usual effort would not have been a problem.  There was nothing 'usual' about today.  What I quickly realized was during my first appt at 9:30am that I couldn't think straight enough to help my customer!!  I'm so used to doing 10 things at once, that the effort to talk on the phone, connect to their machine and navigate ANYTHING was too much for me.... Thank god for Jay!

I turned to my left and said 'I need help' - Jay was on it.  I graciously explained to my customer that I was having 'issues' without really explaining my issues... and passed them to Jay.  Jay and I worked as a tag team - the only way I could have gotten through it.  I find my mind is foggy and my thoughts are way too scattered to do any really heavy duty consulting right now.  Hopefully, that will get better.  I do notice I get clearer throughout the day.  Note to self - book yourself in the afternoon - at least for now...

Feeling the after effects

The neulasta injection kicked in last night... at least I think that's what it was.  Neulasta is the stuff to increase the while blood cell count in my body.  Since this is all new to me, I'm not really sure what to expect on a minute by minute basis.  I was watching a movie with a friend last night and not until it was finished did I realize that a good portion of my back was sore.  I was told to expect arthritis symptoms but not knowing what they are, these surprised me.  It felt more like a muscle soreness almost flu-like feeling.  But just something else for me to get used to, I guess.

Alex had an ingenious plan for us to go to an Acupuncturist to help alleviate the fatigue and soreness and to promote general well being.  He contacted  Elisa - one of my former Yanarella students.  It was just a lovely experience for all of us.  Elisa is extremely knowledgeable and confident and brings a world of compassion to her practice.  Alex and I both had a session - me for my symptoms, Alex for stress and relaxation.  We both walked out of there feeling relaxed, refreshed and ready.  My back soreness is gone!!! I'm hoping it lasts...