Easter is usually the family holiday that we celebrate at our house. Bob, Sarah and Alex help me put the whole thing together - it usually takes days (and nights) of prep work. This time, Denise and Bill jumped in and took the holiday for us. A much needed break for me.
We spent Saturday preparing for Easter. But, instead of cooking, cleaning and scavenger hunt creating, B, A & S spent the day stepping up to the challenge! There was a decree posted on Facebook for all family members willing to participate to submit a decorated hard boiled egg. My sister Donna would be the judge and arbiter. Yes, it was on!
Sarah made 2 or 3 dozen egg shaped cake-pops that she combined with peeps to make the 2 beautiful bouquets that would surround her barnyard of animals that contained her egg decorated as an Easter bunny. Alex used about 10 pounds of white chocolate to make a train with a caboose that would carry his prized egg to the competition. Bob found that an old silk tie when wrapped around an egg and boiled with vinegar would transfer the design to the shell. They spent hours and hours decorating their creations - it was great fun!
We made our way to Denise and Bill's after all the finishing touches were made. It was great to see my family and have them see me and accept me as I am today. They made my entrance to the public easy.
We had about 20 entries in the big egg decorating competition. What a turn out for the first year! We had a whole host of creations from what I 'thought' was a lunar module to Aladdin's Genie... all deserved to win. We came up with awards for all the entries, but Nick was the big winner this year with his NY Yankee egg! It was so popular, the competition must go on! We will be more organized next year with score sheets and criteria and such with bigger and better prizes!
Dinner was delicious as I expected. (I would have been happy to be there eating leftovers!) We all sat around talking and catching up. I lasted about 4 hours before I left. We came home and I napped for about 2 hours. Much needed.
Oh wait - I forgot to mention my mother! As most of you know, I've avoided seeing my mother. My sister and others have given her every excuse why I haven't been there in 4 months. I knew this couldn't be avoided if we were both going to be at Denise's for Easter.
Let's put it this way, my mother is not the same. She didn't question why Donna was bringing her to Denise and Bill's and not my house. We don't think she recognized my brother Bob. I haven't worn my wig in a few months but purposely wore it on Easter to not have my lack of hair start the conversation. I have all this stuff hanging around me under my clothes. This makes me look twice as big as usual, but that went unnoticed too. She slept for a little while and was a bit better when she woke up. She noticed the hat I was wearing but I simply said it was my 'Easter Bonnet' and she smiled and went with it.
That was that. I believe I will never have to tell her what I went through in the past 5 months and she will never have to worry about it. That's good for both of us...
Monday, April 25, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Excuse the cliche
Easter - a time for resurrection and renewal.
I am feeling my body repair itself after the surgery of last week. Soreness and tiredness are the main things that are plaguing me now. Less so today than yesterday and I'm sure it will get better and better as the days go by.
I was very anxious and worried on Thursday morning... Showering and packing as the few hours I had left before I had to leave quickly ticked by. A lot of thoughts went flew through my brain - major surgery, anesthesia, life, death, etc. I expected life, but had to deal with death. What if something went wrong? What if I didn't make it out of surgery? I had to tell my family what I wanted to have happen should 'extraordinary' measures need to be performed and what those words really meant to me - a 49 year old, otherwise healthy, woman.
I asked them to sit at the table with me. My words were simple and, I'm afraid, not so direct. Emotions were flying high as I gave the kids my 2 possessions to hold for safekeeping. I tried to discuss where to draw the line if they had to keep me alive. Finally, I professed my love for the 3 that sat at that table. And secretly prayed for the day we'd sit there again. Hugs all around and Bob and I left and headed over to Dr. Sepulveda's for marking.
(All this is starting to sound familiar. I realized I better read the post I wrote early Friday morning to see if I had written any of this before - - - I had! My morphine-induced state caused all kinds of typos, which I'll go back and edit, and memory loss! I'll spare the repeat and jump ahead ...)
After the surgey, Dr. Keleher came in first to examine me. She was very happy with how everything looked and the actual surgery itself. She'd have the results of my lymph node biopsy from pathology within a week. In time for our next appointment.
I'm now wearing a tight fitting bra. This is not to protect the incisions at my breasts but to hold onto the containers at the end of the drains. I have 4 drains in all - 2 at each of my sides. Tubes come out of my sides and at the end are the suction containers that look like grenades. These fill up with fluid that have to be measured and emptied. Sarah and the nurses did them together in the hospital in preparation for when I'm home when Sarah will take over fulltime.
Dr. Sepulveda comes in about an hour later and does his inspection too. He is also very pleased with the progress and has started the reconstruction process resulting in an 'A' cup. He tells me to expect a rough weekend. I'm not sure what that means, but I'll keep him updated!!
My nurse Brooke gave me my last IV of antibiotic and we were out of there and homeward bound. Our hospital experience wasn't a bad one, by no means! I was just happy to be in our own environment - on our our turf. A bite to eat and meds every 4 hours was the call of the day. Go to the bathroom, sleep a little, take the meds, empty the drains. I spent the night on the sofa not moving. Moving would result in pain at the drain site. There was quite a bit of 'dressing' around that area and it was really bothersome so I learned to not move while I slept. I could feel the pectoral muscle soreness that Dr. Keleher described too. It is more like day 2 after 500 push ups if you ask me!
Saturday was more of the same but with better coffee! It was also the day everyone would prepare for the Easter Egg Competition. I did quite a few laps around the house to keep things moving as the doctors would say. Walking is the best way to relieve the swelling and promote healing so I did as much as I could in the morning when I had the most energy. I offered to help with the egg projects but spent most of the time instructing them on how to make my brisket. I'm limited to raising my arms just to the shoulder and no heavy lifting, so my 10 pound brisket had to be handled by my 'assistants'! I did rest and recharge for the afternoon before we ordered pizza and watched The King's Speech. This night, I found my way to the lounge chair for another night of un-moving sleep.
Big fear - rolling over. You see, I'm a stomach sleeper and the urge to roll over when in bed may overcome me. The chair and the sofa have stopped me from doing that. But, I'm totally numb at the incision site and I probably wouldn't notice it anyway!! We'll see. I'll move to the bed on Monday.
Before I knew it, it was Easter Sunday. The irony of my surgery and recovery over these days - Thursday thru Sunday - did not go unnoticed by me. I do feel like I experienced a resurrection of sorts. Like my life is renewed at a different level. Each day a new one for me to look at and experience with new 'eyes'. A truly humbling experience.
I am feeling my body repair itself after the surgery of last week. Soreness and tiredness are the main things that are plaguing me now. Less so today than yesterday and I'm sure it will get better and better as the days go by.
I was very anxious and worried on Thursday morning... Showering and packing as the few hours I had left before I had to leave quickly ticked by. A lot of thoughts went flew through my brain - major surgery, anesthesia, life, death, etc. I expected life, but had to deal with death. What if something went wrong? What if I didn't make it out of surgery? I had to tell my family what I wanted to have happen should 'extraordinary' measures need to be performed and what those words really meant to me - a 49 year old, otherwise healthy, woman.
I asked them to sit at the table with me. My words were simple and, I'm afraid, not so direct. Emotions were flying high as I gave the kids my 2 possessions to hold for safekeeping. I tried to discuss where to draw the line if they had to keep me alive. Finally, I professed my love for the 3 that sat at that table. And secretly prayed for the day we'd sit there again. Hugs all around and Bob and I left and headed over to Dr. Sepulveda's for marking.
(All this is starting to sound familiar. I realized I better read the post I wrote early Friday morning to see if I had written any of this before - - - I had! My morphine-induced state caused all kinds of typos, which I'll go back and edit, and memory loss! I'll spare the repeat and jump ahead ...)
After the surgey, Dr. Keleher came in first to examine me. She was very happy with how everything looked and the actual surgery itself. She'd have the results of my lymph node biopsy from pathology within a week. In time for our next appointment.
I'm now wearing a tight fitting bra. This is not to protect the incisions at my breasts but to hold onto the containers at the end of the drains. I have 4 drains in all - 2 at each of my sides. Tubes come out of my sides and at the end are the suction containers that look like grenades. These fill up with fluid that have to be measured and emptied. Sarah and the nurses did them together in the hospital in preparation for when I'm home when Sarah will take over fulltime.
Dr. Sepulveda comes in about an hour later and does his inspection too. He is also very pleased with the progress and has started the reconstruction process resulting in an 'A' cup. He tells me to expect a rough weekend. I'm not sure what that means, but I'll keep him updated!!
My nurse Brooke gave me my last IV of antibiotic and we were out of there and homeward bound. Our hospital experience wasn't a bad one, by no means! I was just happy to be in our own environment - on our our turf. A bite to eat and meds every 4 hours was the call of the day. Go to the bathroom, sleep a little, take the meds, empty the drains. I spent the night on the sofa not moving. Moving would result in pain at the drain site. There was quite a bit of 'dressing' around that area and it was really bothersome so I learned to not move while I slept. I could feel the pectoral muscle soreness that Dr. Keleher described too. It is more like day 2 after 500 push ups if you ask me!
Saturday was more of the same but with better coffee! It was also the day everyone would prepare for the Easter Egg Competition. I did quite a few laps around the house to keep things moving as the doctors would say. Walking is the best way to relieve the swelling and promote healing so I did as much as I could in the morning when I had the most energy. I offered to help with the egg projects but spent most of the time instructing them on how to make my brisket. I'm limited to raising my arms just to the shoulder and no heavy lifting, so my 10 pound brisket had to be handled by my 'assistants'! I did rest and recharge for the afternoon before we ordered pizza and watched The King's Speech. This night, I found my way to the lounge chair for another night of un-moving sleep.
Big fear - rolling over. You see, I'm a stomach sleeper and the urge to roll over when in bed may overcome me. The chair and the sofa have stopped me from doing that. But, I'm totally numb at the incision site and I probably wouldn't notice it anyway!! We'll see. I'll move to the bed on Monday.
Before I knew it, it was Easter Sunday. The irony of my surgery and recovery over these days - Thursday thru Sunday - did not go unnoticed by me. I do feel like I experienced a resurrection of sorts. Like my life is renewed at a different level. Each day a new one for me to look at and experience with new 'eyes'. A truly humbling experience.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Time to Say Thank You!
Time to Say Thank You!
by Bob Ritter on Friday, April 22, 2011 at 6:44pm
We've just come home from Vassar Hospital after Mary's surgery. As many of you know we got great news from Dr. Angela Keleher, the greatest breast surgeon in the world, that Mary's cancer was not found in her lymph nodes. So, as far as we're concerned, yesterday Mary went from "cancer patient" to "cancer survivor." What an amazing difference that perspective makes! What an amazing accomplishment that is. It is an amazing reality that we are incredibly grateful for. A gratitude that we have so many people to thank for!!
I don't know where to begin so I'll begin at the beginning. Thank you to Dr. Murray, Mary's OBGYN, who established a good working relationship with Mary and established a comfort that helped Mary to make it a regular practice of going for breast and cervical screenings and to know her breasts. That meant that Mary, who was accustomed to annual screenings, also knew to go in 3 months early when "something wasn't right." Thank you to the radiologist Dr. Lewis at Mid-Hudson Medical who immediately read the results and referred us stat to go to Dr. Hannah Brooks, the surgeon from Mid-Hudson Medical. Thank you to Hannah Brooks and your assistant Marcie. Your fast, smart, and extraordinary attention to Mary's condition were nothing less than remarkable. Calls to home in the evening, rushing tests so we could "know" on Thanksgiving eve, were huge for us! The sensitivity and compassion you showed Mary and me are etched in our hearts forever. And, you brought us to Dr. Jason Rubin. We love Dr. Rubin. He is so much more that our Oncologist. Not many people can say they looked forward to seeing their oncologist - but we can. I would be remiss if I stopped short at saying you're brilliant because there is so much more to your care than that. The drugs and care that Dr. Rubin prescribed and the Dyson Infusion Center administered so well gave us the first true feeling of hope. With him Mary began the fight and we always knew Dr. Rubin was in our corner and after each round you nursed her wounds, the side effects, and picked Mary up, and me too, so Mary could face another round.
The news of cancer can spread fast, if you choose not to hide it, which we didn't, and when our dear friends Barbara and Allen Kram, who also work at Health Quest found out, they introduced us to Dr. Angela Keleher, who is a world renowned fellowship trained breast surgeon at the Dyson Center at Vassar Hospital. The treatment would culminate with surgery and as soon as we went over the plans for that with Dr. Keleher we knew that this would be a magnificent climatic event.
For months it lead up to yesterday. Consultation after consultation Dr. Keleher never let us think about anything but success. She walks in the room and the confidence in those twinkling eyes and the smile that illuminates her face capture your attention as you absorb every crisp word that she speaks. Between Dr. Rubin and Dr. Keleher there was only one way I ever imagined Mary's cancer could go. Thanks to these professionals and their great staffs* I was able to believe every day that the day would come when Mary could declare that she is a survivor!
* I mentioned great staffs above in general but I would like to call out some of the names of these wonderful people at every level: Sandi, Bonnie, Tammy, Josephine, Kathy, Sara, Emily, Wanda, Mary, Brooke, liaison Ann, Ann A. and her assistant Amy, and others who always made Mary feel special.
With breast cancer, especially when a mastectomy is involved, there's another Doctor with a very important role. You can live without your breasts. But society puts special pressure on women that can only be answered by artistry of a plastic surgeon. Dr. Keleher introduced us to the person who builds back what she must take away, Mary's breasts. Dr. Sepulveda is truly an artist -- a sculptor of flesh. As I watched him study, and mark off, I was completely confident that he would do more than repair the physical damage. He would provide her with physical beauty and in doing so, deny the cancer any last chance for claiming a victory over Mary.
Doctors aren't the only ones with healing skills and hands. Mary's acupuncturist Elisa and her masseuse's Maureen and Heather supplied Mary essential energy. As the chemotherapy depleted Mary you nourished her and helped her to fight. Surviving cancer treatment is as important as surviving cancer. You held Mary up in mind & body the entire way!
But medicine and the brilliant professionals who dedicate their lives to our lives know that their patients need more! The patients need a support network. That's all of you. Anyone who is reading this is one of those important people in this experience. I want you to know why. I remember Mary and I going out to dinner together just after we found out. We were still processing the concept of cancer. Practically nobody knew but us, not even our parents or children. Mary and I felt so confused and scared. It's true, when you get this kind of news your world turns upside down. At that time I felt like I needed to grab hold of something in my mind that I could use to center myself. (I'm not sure if I am explaining the feeling in a way that makes sense. ) Before we said anything to anyone I made a personal decision that getting through this was going to be one of the single greatest experiences that Mary and I ever faced together and that it would strengthen our relationship and teach us precious lessons about life that we would value for the rest of our lives. But I believed that in order for this to happen we had to reach out. I respect people who choose a private path. But Mary and I made a choice to be very public with our experience. I made the announcement to family and friends in an email and have spoken openly about it ever since. Mary, who is ordinarily rather private, exposed herself through a blog she started. We hid nothing. What happened next was beautiful.
All of you reached out to us. We know people have different ways of doing it. Some called, some sent cards with beautiful notes, some knitted, some texted, chatted and posted, some offered help, others offered prayers. Some of you cleaned our home, others sent something to our home. Some of you simply thought about us, which was enough, even if you didn't let us know you were doing it. Believe it or not, we knew you were thinking of us, even if you didn't know what to say. Some of you sat with us to play a game, some of you sat with us during chemo. You designed and made pins. Mary's studio, Angela, the other teachers, and all her students, was a deep well of love and support. Our friends at Vassar Temple were always there for us too. Doi, Emily, Sandra, Perla & Chuck, Chuck & Roni, Seth, Wendy & Stan, Joel & Nadine, Dave, and Rabbi Golumb. There's also people like Dana and Lori and Neal who are passionate in the fight against cancer and reached out to us to help us in our fight and who will keep on fighting for all of us. Special acts of friendship from Shelly & Chris, Barbara & Allen, Todd & Lilly, Bobby & Barb, Stephanie, Myleen, and our family -- sisters, brothers, cousins, nieces & nephews, aunts & uncles. Our children Alex & Sarah who showed maturity and wisdom along with their love and dedication. Each of you and all of you answered our call. All of you in your own wonderful ways gave us the support we needed.
Thank you everyone!! If you ever find yourself in a situation, such as ours, always know we are here to answer your call.
I don't know where to begin so I'll begin at the beginning. Thank you to Dr. Murray, Mary's OBGYN, who established a good working relationship with Mary and established a comfort that helped Mary to make it a regular practice of going for breast and cervical screenings and to know her breasts. That meant that Mary, who was accustomed to annual screenings, also knew to go in 3 months early when "something wasn't right." Thank you to the radiologist Dr. Lewis at Mid-Hudson Medical who immediately read the results and referred us stat to go to Dr. Hannah Brooks, the surgeon from Mid-Hudson Medical. Thank you to Hannah Brooks and your assistant Marcie. Your fast, smart, and extraordinary attention to Mary's condition were nothing less than remarkable. Calls to home in the evening, rushing tests so we could "know" on Thanksgiving eve, were huge for us! The sensitivity and compassion you showed Mary and me are etched in our hearts forever. And, you brought us to Dr. Jason Rubin. We love Dr. Rubin. He is so much more that our Oncologist. Not many people can say they looked forward to seeing their oncologist - but we can. I would be remiss if I stopped short at saying you're brilliant because there is so much more to your care than that. The drugs and care that Dr. Rubin prescribed and the Dyson Infusion Center administered so well gave us the first true feeling of hope. With him Mary began the fight and we always knew Dr. Rubin was in our corner and after each round you nursed her wounds, the side effects, and picked Mary up, and me too, so Mary could face another round.
The news of cancer can spread fast, if you choose not to hide it, which we didn't, and when our dear friends Barbara and Allen Kram, who also work at Health Quest found out, they introduced us to Dr. Angela Keleher, who is a world renowned fellowship trained breast surgeon at the Dyson Center at Vassar Hospital. The treatment would culminate with surgery and as soon as we went over the plans for that with Dr. Keleher we knew that this would be a magnificent climatic event.
For months it lead up to yesterday. Consultation after consultation Dr. Keleher never let us think about anything but success. She walks in the room and the confidence in those twinkling eyes and the smile that illuminates her face capture your attention as you absorb every crisp word that she speaks. Between Dr. Rubin and Dr. Keleher there was only one way I ever imagined Mary's cancer could go. Thanks to these professionals and their great staffs* I was able to believe every day that the day would come when Mary could declare that she is a survivor!
* I mentioned great staffs above in general but I would like to call out some of the names of these wonderful people at every level: Sandi, Bonnie, Tammy, Josephine, Kathy, Sara, Emily, Wanda, Mary, Brooke, liaison Ann, Ann A. and her assistant Amy, and others who always made Mary feel special.
With breast cancer, especially when a mastectomy is involved, there's another Doctor with a very important role. You can live without your breasts. But society puts special pressure on women that can only be answered by artistry of a plastic surgeon. Dr. Keleher introduced us to the person who builds back what she must take away, Mary's breasts. Dr. Sepulveda is truly an artist -- a sculptor of flesh. As I watched him study, and mark off, I was completely confident that he would do more than repair the physical damage. He would provide her with physical beauty and in doing so, deny the cancer any last chance for claiming a victory over Mary.
Doctors aren't the only ones with healing skills and hands. Mary's acupuncturist Elisa and her masseuse's Maureen and Heather supplied Mary essential energy. As the chemotherapy depleted Mary you nourished her and helped her to fight. Surviving cancer treatment is as important as surviving cancer. You held Mary up in mind & body the entire way!
But medicine and the brilliant professionals who dedicate their lives to our lives know that their patients need more! The patients need a support network. That's all of you. Anyone who is reading this is one of those important people in this experience. I want you to know why. I remember Mary and I going out to dinner together just after we found out. We were still processing the concept of cancer. Practically nobody knew but us, not even our parents or children. Mary and I felt so confused and scared. It's true, when you get this kind of news your world turns upside down. At that time I felt like I needed to grab hold of something in my mind that I could use to center myself. (I'm not sure if I am explaining the feeling in a way that makes sense. ) Before we said anything to anyone I made a personal decision that getting through this was going to be one of the single greatest experiences that Mary and I ever faced together and that it would strengthen our relationship and teach us precious lessons about life that we would value for the rest of our lives. But I believed that in order for this to happen we had to reach out. I respect people who choose a private path. But Mary and I made a choice to be very public with our experience. I made the announcement to family and friends in an email and have spoken openly about it ever since. Mary, who is ordinarily rather private, exposed herself through a blog she started. We hid nothing. What happened next was beautiful.
All of you reached out to us. We know people have different ways of doing it. Some called, some sent cards with beautiful notes, some knitted, some texted, chatted and posted, some offered help, others offered prayers. Some of you cleaned our home, others sent something to our home. Some of you simply thought about us, which was enough, even if you didn't let us know you were doing it. Believe it or not, we knew you were thinking of us, even if you didn't know what to say. Some of you sat with us to play a game, some of you sat with us during chemo. You designed and made pins. Mary's studio, Angela, the other teachers, and all her students, was a deep well of love and support. Our friends at Vassar Temple were always there for us too. Doi, Emily, Sandra, Perla & Chuck, Chuck & Roni, Seth, Wendy & Stan, Joel & Nadine, Dave, and Rabbi Golumb. There's also people like Dana and Lori and Neal who are passionate in the fight against cancer and reached out to us to help us in our fight and who will keep on fighting for all of us. Special acts of friendship from Shelly & Chris, Barbara & Allen, Todd & Lilly, Bobby & Barb, Stephanie, Myleen, and our family -- sisters, brothers, cousins, nieces & nephews, aunts & uncles. Our children Alex & Sarah who showed maturity and wisdom along with their love and dedication. Each of you and all of you answered our call. All of you in your own wonderful ways gave us the support we needed.
Thank you everyone!! If you ever find yourself in a situation, such as ours, always know we are here to answer your call.
Thursday - a look back
It's 2am Friday morning. I woke up due to my regular night-sweat, not the pain in my chest. There is pain there now that I'm awake. Not excruciating but pain none the less. I've been getting morphine by iv when i need it. Percoset starting later in the morning.
Thursday started off pretty shaky. At home as I showered, i begun to realize the levity of the day and it upset me. All the things like losing my natural breasts to dying on the operating room table crossed my mind. I could where no make-up or jewelry so getting dressed was pretty quick. I packed my bag and headed downstairs.
I sat the family down because there was a few things I wanted to say. I discussed my wishes if something happened during the operation and gave my rings to Sarah and Alex for safe keeping. I've never had surgery before and wanted to be prepared and to prepare them too. I wiped away my tears and hugged them each so tight I wanted to pass my love through it for them to keep forever.
Bob and I headed to see Dr. Sepulveda for markings for surgery. He used multiple colored markers and measuring tapes and drew all over my boobs and around the chest. Afterward he signed his work! As we left, we ran into Larry who hugged me and made me feel very secure as he offered to help me in any way.
Alex and Sarah were already at Vassar when we got there and up walked Donna to finish my morning crew. Lois checked me in and she was the lucky one to start an iv in my skinny veins. It took a little while, but she found one that was suitable in my hand.
When all this was finished we headed over to Nuclear Medicine so I could be detected with an isotope. The doctor would use this and an injected blue dye to detect the sentinel lymph node to biopsy. A little lidocaine and I didnt' feel a thing.
Last stop was the pre-op holding area where lots of people came in to introduce themselves to me including my Anesthesologist. When all the doctors had come to see me, i was ready to go in as soon as the room was set up. I said goodbye to Barbara (who snuck in), Sarah and Bob and they wheeled me into the operating room. I don't remember much after I got in there besides moving to table, settling my arms and finally breathing oxygen.... done.
Next thing I knew, I was back in the holding area with doctors around me and telling me it went well. It was 5 o'clock and I was very drowsy... as I am now... this is how I would be all night - doze off and have a few minutes of clarity. It was 7p when I got up to the room and waiting for me was Bob, Alex, Sarah, Donna, Bob and Deb. Laura and Halley came in for a few hours in the afternoon and as I was trying to stay awake, Babara and Allen came in too.
The good news is that the biopsy of the lymph node showed 8 abnormal cells but not cancer cells. The neo-adjavent attack with chemo worked! It stopped the growth and kept it away from the lymph system thus insuring it didn't make its way to my other organs! With the removal of my breasts and that news, I am cancer free!! Great news...
Now I'm dozing and waking to nurses taking vitals. Also, I had a roommate! Sarah stayed with me here and slept in the chair that opened to a bed. I think it made both of us feel good. The staff has been great with just enough attention with being overbearing.
I'll get the catheter out soon so I can move around on my own and eat breakfast. If all goes well, I'll be home early afternoon!
Thursday started off pretty shaky. At home as I showered, i begun to realize the levity of the day and it upset me. All the things like losing my natural breasts to dying on the operating room table crossed my mind. I could where no make-up or jewelry so getting dressed was pretty quick. I packed my bag and headed downstairs.
I sat the family down because there was a few things I wanted to say. I discussed my wishes if something happened during the operation and gave my rings to Sarah and Alex for safe keeping. I've never had surgery before and wanted to be prepared and to prepare them too. I wiped away my tears and hugged them each so tight I wanted to pass my love through it for them to keep forever.
Bob and I headed to see Dr. Sepulveda for markings for surgery. He used multiple colored markers and measuring tapes and drew all over my boobs and around the chest. Afterward he signed his work! As we left, we ran into Larry who hugged me and made me feel very secure as he offered to help me in any way.
Alex and Sarah were already at Vassar when we got there and up walked Donna to finish my morning crew. Lois checked me in and she was the lucky one to start an iv in my skinny veins. It took a little while, but she found one that was suitable in my hand.
When all this was finished we headed over to Nuclear Medicine so I could be detected with an isotope. The doctor would use this and an injected blue dye to detect the sentinel lymph node to biopsy. A little lidocaine and I didnt' feel a thing.
Last stop was the pre-op holding area where lots of people came in to introduce themselves to me including my Anesthesologist. When all the doctors had come to see me, i was ready to go in as soon as the room was set up. I said goodbye to Barbara (who snuck in), Sarah and Bob and they wheeled me into the operating room. I don't remember much after I got in there besides moving to table, settling my arms and finally breathing oxygen.... done.
Next thing I knew, I was back in the holding area with doctors around me and telling me it went well. It was 5 o'clock and I was very drowsy... as I am now... this is how I would be all night - doze off and have a few minutes of clarity. It was 7p when I got up to the room and waiting for me was Bob, Alex, Sarah, Donna, Bob and Deb. Laura and Halley came in for a few hours in the afternoon and as I was trying to stay awake, Babara and Allen came in too.
The good news is that the biopsy of the lymph node showed 8 abnormal cells but not cancer cells. The neo-adjavent attack with chemo worked! It stopped the growth and kept it away from the lymph system thus insuring it didn't make its way to my other organs! With the removal of my breasts and that news, I am cancer free!! Great news...
Now I'm dozing and waking to nurses taking vitals. Also, I had a roommate! Sarah stayed with me here and slept in the chair that opened to a bed. I think it made both of us feel good. The staff has been great with just enough attention with being overbearing.
I'll get the catheter out soon so I can move around on my own and eat breakfast. If all goes well, I'll be home early afternoon!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
All is right with my crazy world.
I have made myself sufficiently busy this week to keep my mind off of the coming events of tomorrow. Some people call it unhealthy - I don't. I call it my busy and fun life!! (with a few kinks)
Monday was pre-op surgical testing day. It started with my meeting with Dr. Sepulveda the plastic surgeon. It was there that the reality came crashing down... signing all kinds of consent forms and answering questions put the stamp on the fact that it was going to happen now. I left there feeling rather blue. That's my understatement for the day! It didn't last long...
I squeezed in a fantastic massage with Maureen DiMarco. I was going to include a reiki session with it, but muscles needed far more work. I met Maureen at the Dyson Center. During my infusions, she would come to my chair for a short massage. A really lovely and caring woman that I would highly recommend. We are saving the reiki for tomorrow morning. Maureen is going to meet me at Vassar before my surgery.... wonderful? You bet!
Back to Vassar I go for more tests - EKG, blood, etc. More questions. Tell my story once again. And again....
The last stop was to Dr. Keleher, my breast surgeon, to make sure everything was progressing and we were on track for Thursday. She examined me and we all talked about what to expect. A smile and hugs all around and I'm ready for the big day!
I made it home just in time to collapse on the sofa. I just wanted to rest a few minutes before we headed to Patti's for Passover. A few minutes turned into 3 hours... I never made to Patti's! There's kink #1. Sorry Patti - but I did get a much needed good night sleep.
Tuesday came and I was off and running again.
Pick up train tickets - check
Drop off prescriptions - check
Forward my email - check
Record away voice mail - check
Burn a CD for Workshop - check
Drop off CD - check
Deliver Alps chocolate to the office - check
In the middle of this day, I ran to my deli on the hill. The place I've been going for lunch for the past 15 years or so. They've been so supportive through all this, I wanted to stop and see them before I left. Estelle came around the counter and hugged me and told me she loved me!! You know you've been going to a deli forever when they treat you like family!! LOL
I finished the night with a Passover seder at the Arnoff's. Lisa is a fantabulous chef (much more than just a cook) and the chef gods would be proud of her. Michael is a wonderful host who kept the show rolling along at a 27 minute pace - with glasses filled of course! I felt more normal than I have in weeks. My body is feeling good (minus the hair) and my friends that I haven't seen in months treated me as if nothing had changed. Just the way I like it. Kink #2 - missed a night at the studio.... can't be in 2 places at once!
Here I am today. Wednesday. You'd think I'd be resting up for tomorrow. NO WAY!! Today, I'm leading my Yanarella dancers to see Mamma Mia!! Some say I'm crazy but I wouldn't have it any other way. Bob is leading the charge with his orange umbrella and I will traditionally bring up the rear. I may be moving a bit slower than usual, so I padded some extra time to get to the restaurant and back. I'm excited to be with the group to help me forget about what's happening tomorrow! I have plenty of time to worry about that.... Kink #3 - forgot to pick up my meds from Tuminaro's Pharmacy... Susie will rescue me!
Finally - Sarah comes home tonight!!! Alex too! The foursome will be back together again for a little while. All is right with my crazy world.
Monday was pre-op surgical testing day. It started with my meeting with Dr. Sepulveda the plastic surgeon. It was there that the reality came crashing down... signing all kinds of consent forms and answering questions put the stamp on the fact that it was going to happen now. I left there feeling rather blue. That's my understatement for the day! It didn't last long...
I squeezed in a fantastic massage with Maureen DiMarco. I was going to include a reiki session with it, but muscles needed far more work. I met Maureen at the Dyson Center. During my infusions, she would come to my chair for a short massage. A really lovely and caring woman that I would highly recommend. We are saving the reiki for tomorrow morning. Maureen is going to meet me at Vassar before my surgery.... wonderful? You bet!
Back to Vassar I go for more tests - EKG, blood, etc. More questions. Tell my story once again. And again....
The last stop was to Dr. Keleher, my breast surgeon, to make sure everything was progressing and we were on track for Thursday. She examined me and we all talked about what to expect. A smile and hugs all around and I'm ready for the big day!
I made it home just in time to collapse on the sofa. I just wanted to rest a few minutes before we headed to Patti's for Passover. A few minutes turned into 3 hours... I never made to Patti's! There's kink #1. Sorry Patti - but I did get a much needed good night sleep.
Tuesday came and I was off and running again.
Pick up train tickets - check
Drop off prescriptions - check
Forward my email - check
Record away voice mail - check
Burn a CD for Workshop - check
Drop off CD - check
Deliver Alps chocolate to the office - check
In the middle of this day, I ran to my deli on the hill. The place I've been going for lunch for the past 15 years or so. They've been so supportive through all this, I wanted to stop and see them before I left. Estelle came around the counter and hugged me and told me she loved me!! You know you've been going to a deli forever when they treat you like family!! LOL
I finished the night with a Passover seder at the Arnoff's. Lisa is a fantabulous chef (much more than just a cook) and the chef gods would be proud of her. Michael is a wonderful host who kept the show rolling along at a 27 minute pace - with glasses filled of course! I felt more normal than I have in weeks. My body is feeling good (minus the hair) and my friends that I haven't seen in months treated me as if nothing had changed. Just the way I like it. Kink #2 - missed a night at the studio.... can't be in 2 places at once!
Here I am today. Wednesday. You'd think I'd be resting up for tomorrow. NO WAY!! Today, I'm leading my Yanarella dancers to see Mamma Mia!! Some say I'm crazy but I wouldn't have it any other way. Bob is leading the charge with his orange umbrella and I will traditionally bring up the rear. I may be moving a bit slower than usual, so I padded some extra time to get to the restaurant and back. I'm excited to be with the group to help me forget about what's happening tomorrow! I have plenty of time to worry about that.... Kink #3 - forgot to pick up my meds from Tuminaro's Pharmacy... Susie will rescue me!
Finally - Sarah comes home tonight!!! Alex too! The foursome will be back together again for a little while. All is right with my crazy world.
Cha Cha Chia
I'm thinking I'll have a contest with my Homer Simpson Chia Pet to see who can grow their hair the fastest. Mine's really starting to come in. I'm told it's the 'peach fuzz' stage... I'll take it!
Special thanks to Barbara for the thoughtful chia gift!
Special thanks to Barbara for the thoughtful chia gift!
 |
| I'm the one on top.... |
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Eulogy
I never really thought much of my breasts. As a member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee during high school, they were too small and unimpressive. Just another body part to discuss like the size of my Italian nose or the color of my bright red hair. My theory was to make fun of myself first then I wouldn't be destroyed when the 'popular' kids teased me about my deficiencies. My boobs were the 'butt' of many of my jokes for years and years. It worked for me - most of the time. I still use that technique. I guess I'll just have to change my delivery from now on.
I find myself trying to make a connection to these things on my chest. One I never really had. Trying to remember all I can about the good and the bad. I have a few days left with them and it's like I'm trying to say goodbye or something. Like a eulogy or an obituarary. That's a good idea!
Eulogy
Mary's Breasts (first appearance sometime in 1975-4/21/2011)
Small and unobtrusive, Mary's Breasts were a happy little pair. Often, they provided the necessary comic relief. They stood up and took notice when it was cold. They never got in the way. Really didn't need any support. Held up well in a leotard. They enjoyed reading and trying on clothes. They will be missed.
Whew - I feel better!
And, of course, the IBTC had t-shirts. We all wore a small!! Surprised? I wish I still had mine for all kinds of reasons.
I find myself trying to make a connection to these things on my chest. One I never really had. Trying to remember all I can about the good and the bad. I have a few days left with them and it's like I'm trying to say goodbye or something. Like a eulogy or an obituarary. That's a good idea!
Eulogy
Mary's Breasts (first appearance sometime in 1975-4/21/2011)
Small and unobtrusive, Mary's Breasts were a happy little pair. Often, they provided the necessary comic relief. They stood up and took notice when it was cold. They never got in the way. Really didn't need any support. Held up well in a leotard. They enjoyed reading and trying on clothes. They will be missed.
Whew - I feel better!
And, of course, the IBTC had t-shirts. We all wore a small!! Surprised? I wish I still had mine for all kinds of reasons.
(Sur)reality
Sunday.... a day of reflection. The start to a very big week. A lot to think about....
Monday is pre-op testing day starting with a visit to Dr. Sepulveda for marking and signatures. After that is a massage and reiki session with Maureen. Next is pre-op at Vassar - blood, EKG, etc. And lastly, to see Dr. Keleher for our final meeting before surgery to discuss it all over again.
Surreal.
Reality.
Monday is pre-op testing day starting with a visit to Dr. Sepulveda for marking and signatures. After that is a massage and reiki session with Maureen. Next is pre-op at Vassar - blood, EKG, etc. And lastly, to see Dr. Keleher for our final meeting before surgery to discuss it all over again.
Surreal.
Reality.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Spleen you have some splainin' to do!!!
Edema - swelling of the extremities and abdomen. I've been feeling kind of puffy in my arms and legs over the past few weeks. It's effecting walking, standing, dancing, etc. Last night, I could barely fit my feet into my jazz shoes. I'm working on getting past this too.
- Elisa, my acupuncturist, says my spleen isn't processing things right so she is focusing on that.
- Sarah, my personal pharmacist, recommended Diurex to alleviate water weight.
- Angela suggested that the fatigue, weight gain and ankle swelling could mean special 'gift from God'....
Yes, I will be getting a new set of 'twin girls' next week, thank you!!
- Elisa, my acupuncturist, says my spleen isn't processing things right so she is focusing on that.
- Sarah, my personal pharmacist, recommended Diurex to alleviate water weight.
- Angela suggested that the fatigue, weight gain and ankle swelling could mean special 'gift from God'....
Yes, I will be getting a new set of 'twin girls' next week, thank you!!
Roadtrip - Amtrak style
I was so looking forward to our last minute trip to Washington DC. I've always wanted to see the cherry blossoms bloom. After my 5th treatment I was surfing the Internet and spotted the 'peak' period for the blooms was in a few weeks. I decided at that moment that this was the year to do it... a year like no other. Off I went to make reservations...
We would be going the week after my last treatment - it felt like a celebration! Based on my white cell counts after the 5th treatment I knew I'd not have a problem this time. Dr. Rubin dropped the Adriamycin from the chemo regimen and I continued to get the neulasta injection to boost the numbers and it did. It jumped sky high then and again after the 6th. This piece of the puzzle was placed.
With the 5th round, I had what I called neuropathy. Dr. R and I were in disagreement - he called it 'Hand and Foot Syndrome'. While possible, I was sure my 2 hours of reading about my symptoms on the Internet trumped his years of medical school training! Either way, I remember what my feet and hands felt like. If I was going to feel that kind of pain, I was not going to be able to make it around the city at all.
On top of that, the fatigue has taken hold of me in a major way. Making it up the stairs is tough. My arms are so heavy they even tire out when I drive. My thighs feel like I did 100 squats when I change my leg position from straight to bend. All in all, anything I did was exhausting.
Wheelchair. Yes, I rented one as a fall back, just in case. I was hoping for the best but deep down expected the worst. I'm glad I had it.
We took Amtrak - I decided I could use the ride down to rest and Bob could use the phone and computer freely without me nagging him. It was a good call - we were both happy! Rest? I was wiped out. We made our way to the Marriott Mayflower (yes, the Eliot Spitzer client #9) Hotel and I needed to lay down before dinner. We made it to the club lounge for appetizers and drinks.
The more I thought about it, the more the dates we were going to be in DC were sounding familiar... I realized Sarah was going to be there at the same time! She was taking a Pharmacy class trip there too, so we decided when we would connect, of course. She met us for 'Happy Hour' after Bob and I spent a long day of walking around a bit and spending several hours in the Holocaust Museum - we needed some 'happy'. Afterward, we all went for dinner with Bob's cousin Lauren and her husband Marty. Let's say it was hilarious.... our hosts drove us on a nighttime tour of the city - around and around and around! From Georgetown to the White House and back again and again! Crossing 3 lanes of traffic, over the same bridge 2 and 3 times - it was great!!
It was that long day that put me into the wheelchair the next. I was really exhausted and every muscle on my body hurt. Off we went to the Spy Museum where we met up with Sarah again to tour the museum and grab a delicious lunch at the Greek tapas place before she had to head back with her group to Pittsburgh. Very fun.... until... the 3 of us are heading to her bus - remember Bob is pushing me in a wheelchair. It started as a few blocks and then it turned up hill. It was chilly for sure so the rain drops that started to fall grew harder and harder and turned into hail! Luckily I grabbed an umbrella from the hotel before we left and we all huddled under it - STUNNED and laughing! Sarah kissed us goodbye and headed for the bus as it started to pour and pelt harder. We were in front of the Museum of Natural History and figured that would be a good place to wait out the storm. Who knew the wheelchair entrance was BACK DOWN THE HILL!!
Let's just say Bob was drenched by the time we got to the entrance... and really tired after pushing me around the blossoms and thru the WWII Memorial for the 1.5 mile trip back to the hotel. My hero!
Was it the trip I envisioned? No. But we had fun doing what we could under the circumstances. We learned we want to go back very soon. DC has so much to do and we did not have enough time or energy to do it!
We would be going the week after my last treatment - it felt like a celebration! Based on my white cell counts after the 5th treatment I knew I'd not have a problem this time. Dr. Rubin dropped the Adriamycin from the chemo regimen and I continued to get the neulasta injection to boost the numbers and it did. It jumped sky high then and again after the 6th. This piece of the puzzle was placed.
With the 5th round, I had what I called neuropathy. Dr. R and I were in disagreement - he called it 'Hand and Foot Syndrome'. While possible, I was sure my 2 hours of reading about my symptoms on the Internet trumped his years of medical school training! Either way, I remember what my feet and hands felt like. If I was going to feel that kind of pain, I was not going to be able to make it around the city at all.
On top of that, the fatigue has taken hold of me in a major way. Making it up the stairs is tough. My arms are so heavy they even tire out when I drive. My thighs feel like I did 100 squats when I change my leg position from straight to bend. All in all, anything I did was exhausting.
Wheelchair. Yes, I rented one as a fall back, just in case. I was hoping for the best but deep down expected the worst. I'm glad I had it.
We took Amtrak - I decided I could use the ride down to rest and Bob could use the phone and computer freely without me nagging him. It was a good call - we were both happy! Rest? I was wiped out. We made our way to the Marriott Mayflower (yes, the Eliot Spitzer client #9) Hotel and I needed to lay down before dinner. We made it to the club lounge for appetizers and drinks.
The more I thought about it, the more the dates we were going to be in DC were sounding familiar... I realized Sarah was going to be there at the same time! She was taking a Pharmacy class trip there too, so we decided when we would connect, of course. She met us for 'Happy Hour' after Bob and I spent a long day of walking around a bit and spending several hours in the Holocaust Museum - we needed some 'happy'. Afterward, we all went for dinner with Bob's cousin Lauren and her husband Marty. Let's say it was hilarious.... our hosts drove us on a nighttime tour of the city - around and around and around! From Georgetown to the White House and back again and again! Crossing 3 lanes of traffic, over the same bridge 2 and 3 times - it was great!!
It was that long day that put me into the wheelchair the next. I was really exhausted and every muscle on my body hurt. Off we went to the Spy Museum where we met up with Sarah again to tour the museum and grab a delicious lunch at the Greek tapas place before she had to head back with her group to Pittsburgh. Very fun.... until... the 3 of us are heading to her bus - remember Bob is pushing me in a wheelchair. It started as a few blocks and then it turned up hill. It was chilly for sure so the rain drops that started to fall grew harder and harder and turned into hail! Luckily I grabbed an umbrella from the hotel before we left and we all huddled under it - STUNNED and laughing! Sarah kissed us goodbye and headed for the bus as it started to pour and pelt harder. We were in front of the Museum of Natural History and figured that would be a good place to wait out the storm. Who knew the wheelchair entrance was BACK DOWN THE HILL!!
Let's just say Bob was drenched by the time we got to the entrance... and really tired after pushing me around the blossoms and thru the WWII Memorial for the 1.5 mile trip back to the hotel. My hero!
Was it the trip I envisioned? No. But we had fun doing what we could under the circumstances. We learned we want to go back very soon. DC has so much to do and we did not have enough time or energy to do it!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Woo Hoo!!
I haven't been blogging for a few weeks - I just haven't had it in me. The last chemo treatment took a lot out of me while I tried to deny that it did. We traveled to Washington DC last weekend which had its ups and downs for me, physically. I've been trying to dance from a chair for the past few weeks because of the fatigue and weakness. Work - let's just say thank god Bob and I have this business! My ability to work 10 hour days are a thing of the past. I'm lucky if I fit a couple of hours in.
I have some very good days! Last week, it was a surprising Wednesday for me. Usually, I'm dragging after a Tuesday night of dance. This time on Wednesday I felt unusually good. I actually contacted my trainer that day to schedule a date to return to training .... then came Thursday. It was Thursday where I found myself struggling to do much of anything. I spent a lot of time laying down to relieve the swelling in my legs. I was enormously tired. Sleep was the order of the day.
That's kind of how it's been going. Up and down. To sit down and write meant I might have swelling in my legs or miss a couple of hours of needed sleep. So to all those followers who've been waiting for me to return to the blog - I'm sorry for not being here! But today is the day I return to writing... to document the past and push to the future. Woo hoo!!
I have some very good days! Last week, it was a surprising Wednesday for me. Usually, I'm dragging after a Tuesday night of dance. This time on Wednesday I felt unusually good. I actually contacted my trainer that day to schedule a date to return to training .... then came Thursday. It was Thursday where I found myself struggling to do much of anything. I spent a lot of time laying down to relieve the swelling in my legs. I was enormously tired. Sleep was the order of the day.
That's kind of how it's been going. Up and down. To sit down and write meant I might have swelling in my legs or miss a couple of hours of needed sleep. So to all those followers who've been waiting for me to return to the blog - I'm sorry for not being here! But today is the day I return to writing... to document the past and push to the future. Woo hoo!!
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