DELETE

One of my least favorite words in the dictionary and yet I use it myself and see and hear it from others every day.

de·lete/diˈlēt/

Verb: Remove or obliterate (text), esp. by drawing a line through it or marking it with a delete sign: "the passage was deleted".

Noun: A command or key on a computer that erases text. 

How easy is it these days to just press a delete key to wipe out a mistake on the computer.  You sat down to write an email or draft a document and somewhere in between your fingers and the keyboard something happened - a mistake or an error of some sort.  If you are a regular computer user, you are quick to reach for the delete key - GONE!  You don't have to be a master typist any more like the days of sitting at a typewriter in High School. You just have to be someone quick to fix their mistakes in this fast paced computer driven world.

Fixing a mistake is the most common, simple one.  Its when entire thought processes are wiped out with a single keystroke that seems to be so unfair.  The keystroke that's initiated by you is a purposeful act and one you control. Is it necessary to expunge entire passages without even saving a hint of them?  Ideas lost forever.

Commonly, I've typed (and have heard the same from other people) and have forgotten to save my work in progress.  At some point, something happens to the computer - it reboots, crashes, what have you and it's gone.  This situation is totally not of your doing and you are panic stricken.  All the valuable thoughts and phrases you used are lost and the feeling of helplessness to find the appropriate words once again is overwhelming.

I'm not a writer.  I like to write but I don't consider myself particularly good at it.  In our business, First Direct, I can write emails that garner some praise once in a while.  I'm far from the marketing side of the business - that's ALL Bob!! But I can proof read and correct grammar as good as the next guy thanks to Mrs. Mignault at SJS!  These days, my writing is generally of a technical nature or, my favorite, telling an ornery Customer to take a hike!  Very, very satisfying!!

But, either way, if it's an email or document of significant importance to me, good or bad, its saved.  Sometimes its saved several times in several places!  Easily accessible if I need to refer to it again.  I'll even hold on to iterations of the same doc or small snipits of thoughts that I've cut and pasted along the way and may someday be useful for something else.

So here I am now writing in this blog for the last 9 months.  I've written 120 posts - some of them good, some not so good, some happy, some sad and some downright embarrassing!  But never once have I deleted any.

At this point, I now feel very obligated to my readers and to myself.  I've started down the path of recording my medical activity, thought processes and emotional states and intend to continue.  My blog has been referred to others who find themselves in the same situation as me with the hopes they can relate to some small part of it.  If it can help them find solice and hope or even understanding then how could I EVER delete the entire blog or even just a previous post?  I may take a break from updating or adding to it, but I won't delete from it.

  

I go back and read and re-read my own blog often.  It helps recount all the events and feelings I went through at the time and is a good reminder of how different these months since I started were for me.  I'm just sorry it took cancer for me to start recording my days.

It's way too easy.  Press delete and it's gone with the wind.  Erasing parts of my life that I may never remember clearly on my own.  With the help of my blog, I'm able to recall details that I just normally couldn't.  And I'll keep writing.  Even if it's only for me.