I haven't talked much about it lately, but the last 3 months of my life have been filled with preparations for this year's annual dance recital at Yanarella School of Dance.
If I said it was a lot of work, I'd be lying! It was a ridiculously huge amount of work!!! I spent most Sundays teaching and rehearsing for 10 or 12 hours. I've been teaching for 28 years now
My labor of love begins with auditions for the story ballet back in August. I prepare several pieces that I teach in a 2 hour time frame. The girls learn as much as I can produce and decide which roles they will be auditioning for. I invite a few teachers in to watch with me and judge and within 4 hours I've filled all the roles.
Right after Labor Day I start having these marathon rehearsals. I take time with my leads choreographing and teaching their parts - directing them. After a few weeks, we add the other classes to the mix to create the balance of the story. Each class usually gets a special part and of course a coordinated bow.
This year, my story ballet was Alice in Wonderland. As I described earlier in this blog, I went to see Wonderland on Broadway with the intention of using it for my ballet and it didn't disappoint. The score is so clever and colorful! I took the score and cut it all up to fit my storyline and started to put together dances. We had about 8 of these long rehearsals - some with groups up to 70 dancers. It was long and arduous and fun and exciting all at the same time.
My regular classes were moving along but not as quickly and seamlessly as I'd like. I teach a group of intermediate 12 year olds and their classes were doing well. They can always use more work, but I was very happy with their progress. Workshop was working on 3 dances - Bless Our Show, Orange Colored Sky and another song.
The other song... Late in the game, I changed the song to I'm Gonna Love You Through It - a Martina McBride song about the breast cancer experience. Bob loved the song and felt it was very powerful. I didn't change the song without clearing it with my Workshop class - everything we do is a team effort. They loved the concept and the message.
So, I began to shift my focus to this new song. Each week I would come to class with new choreography but nothing seemed to work. I was really distraught about it. I approached my former student Juliane for some help from long distance but it was too difficult to work together. I just kept pushing through fixing, reviewing, adding - whatever it took. We were almost there when I heard a different version of the song at the Silhouette of a Woman Fashion Show. This was one week before the stage rehearsal!!! I had to add a couple of steps in the middle and a whole new ending. I called an emergency meeting after one of the 10 rehearsals to work it out... and it worked!
I wanted it close to finished for rehearsal so we could get the audience to buy into our story. We wore our costumes to get the full effect. I had recorded my voice to begin the song - 'My experience began 10 days after last year's recital...' it was the first time the class had heard it and it was haunting. We all immediately started to cry but it created the spark we needed. The dance worked ... it just gelled into something beyond what we had even intended. Jackie described it as 'Organic' - perfect description. We finished telling our story and as we all hugged and wiped away our tears, I looked into the audience and they were doing the same. They got it... we conveyed our message. I called it 'Experience of a Lifetime'. Here it is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMfZPgYsx14
This year's dance recital was a complete success! The last song our story ballet was called Finding Wonderland and the are amazingly ironic. I believe the journey over this past year allowed me to find my Wonderland.
Finding Wonderland
We move to fast
We miss so much
We seldom see all the miracles in front of us
A warm embrace
A human touch
And so it goes
I race around
Search high and low for a truth I used to know
When there was magic to be found
(Chorus)
Cause finding wonderland
Is taking time to see
The child within has always been there smiling back at me
So when I close my eyes I just remember and I cant hale finding wonderland
Its not to late
Here in my prime hearts can un-break in the story's nick of time
A happy ending
A perfect rhyme
(Chorus)
Cause finding wonderland is finding who you are
The child with in has always been there like a shining star
So when i close my eyes I see forever and I keep on finding wonderland
Ordinary magic happens every single day
Wonderland is never far away
Cause finding wonderland is going home again
To feel the love another gives and giving back and then
If you should lose your way reach out for someones hand and you'll be finding wonderland
Youll be finding Wonderland
Monday, November 21, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Fashion for a Cause - Silhouette of a Woman
It started out as a regular day at the office... it ended with stories to tell!!
I went to work that day with the intention of leaving no later than 2p. I scrambled out the door as close to it as I could. I was told to get my nails colored red and be at the salon, New Creations, at 4pm for hair and makeup.
I was the last to arrive at the salon. There were probably 6 or 7 other models waiting to get spruced up for the fashion show. It was a special feeling to be standing there in that room. As I started to chat with the other models, I realized what a special group of women I was among. The models were a mix of ages and about half were survivors. The other half were so interested in our story and compassionate to our journey that it was easy to see we found some new friends there.
New Creations... these ladies gave of their time and energy to work on this event. My hats off to Debbie, Colleen, Jennifer and Jill who really went over the top to get us ready. Poor Jill was given the task of working on my hair. While I don't have much of it, I have 2 cowlicks that have a mind of their own! But after many products, a couple of pairs of hands and a bobby pin or two, we got them tamed! Colleen used makeup to hide my flaws and enhance what I have. And don't forget the lashes!!! I may never where that much makeup in my life or fix my hair that way, but it's incredible how good it makes you feel when all the fussing over you culminates in a 'look' and the compliments are flying!!!
Once we were finished, we were to head to the Bardavon. There was a freak snow storm that night - Oct 27th, so we left with heads covered and faces sheilded to protect us from the elements. A stop or 2 on the way and we all met up in our respective dressing rooms. A group of my new friends all particitpated in a bit of Vitamin V to loosen us up. We dressed with the help of Beth and Robyn from Elizabeth's. Then we chatted and tried to stay cool in the tiny hot dressing room while the paying customers where in the lobby enjoying a beverage and the festivities in the theater.
It was finally time to take the walk. As we made our way to our starting positions, it was clear we were going to rock this show! My group was in the Shadows scene and we decided that it would be appropriate if we danced on the stage as we waited for the others to finish and end back on the stage. That was right up my alley!! I was up first and did my best model posing at center stage with a lunge and a look to each corner and of course a spin to show off the flirty skirt I was wearing. Then it was off to walk through the audience, around the lobby and back up to the stage. As we all made it to the line on the stage, we danced and laughed and held each other up! We played the 'party scene' perfectly - even made the Poughkeepsie Journal!
After the scenes were over, we split up again to join our respective businesses - Elizabeth Boutique and New Creations. I was so happy and honored to represent Beth Madsen at the event. She worked so hard putting this all together and I really wanted to make her proud of her selections. Hopefully she found a great deal of satisfaction in putting in the time and effort in creating such a wonderful event. In fact, it was obvious that she did! She simply glowed that night!
The last part of the event pulled each of the survivors out to stand in aisles of theater. Announced by name and time since diagnosis, I was honored to be among the 25 or so women in the show who took their places with their roses. When all of us were in place, the call went out to the audience for other survivors to also stand as we were all honored with applause and a song. Of course, the song was 'I'm Gonna Love You Through It' - more on that in another post.
While the song was playing, it was very emotional to look out to see Bob and Sarah, Shelly, my friends the Kram's and the Marcus's, Jackie and Marisa and anyone else I knew that came out to support this cause that has grown so dear to my heart. I hugged my family, my old and new friends and my sister-survivors as I felt an enormous sense of gratitude for what I have.
A huge thank you to those involved. It was a great experience for me and know the success of the event is a true testiment to the commitment of those who created it. Hugs and more hugs!!!
I went to work that day with the intention of leaving no later than 2p. I scrambled out the door as close to it as I could. I was told to get my nails colored red and be at the salon, New Creations, at 4pm for hair and makeup.
I was the last to arrive at the salon. There were probably 6 or 7 other models waiting to get spruced up for the fashion show. It was a special feeling to be standing there in that room. As I started to chat with the other models, I realized what a special group of women I was among. The models were a mix of ages and about half were survivors. The other half were so interested in our story and compassionate to our journey that it was easy to see we found some new friends there.
New Creations... these ladies gave of their time and energy to work on this event. My hats off to Debbie, Colleen, Jennifer and Jill who really went over the top to get us ready. Poor Jill was given the task of working on my hair. While I don't have much of it, I have 2 cowlicks that have a mind of their own! But after many products, a couple of pairs of hands and a bobby pin or two, we got them tamed! Colleen used makeup to hide my flaws and enhance what I have. And don't forget the lashes!!! I may never where that much makeup in my life or fix my hair that way, but it's incredible how good it makes you feel when all the fussing over you culminates in a 'look' and the compliments are flying!!!
Once we were finished, we were to head to the Bardavon. There was a freak snow storm that night - Oct 27th, so we left with heads covered and faces sheilded to protect us from the elements. A stop or 2 on the way and we all met up in our respective dressing rooms. A group of my new friends all particitpated in a bit of Vitamin V to loosen us up. We dressed with the help of Beth and Robyn from Elizabeth's. Then we chatted and tried to stay cool in the tiny hot dressing room while the paying customers where in the lobby enjoying a beverage and the festivities in the theater.
It was finally time to take the walk. As we made our way to our starting positions, it was clear we were going to rock this show! My group was in the Shadows scene and we decided that it would be appropriate if we danced on the stage as we waited for the others to finish and end back on the stage. That was right up my alley!! I was up first and did my best model posing at center stage with a lunge and a look to each corner and of course a spin to show off the flirty skirt I was wearing. Then it was off to walk through the audience, around the lobby and back up to the stage. As we all made it to the line on the stage, we danced and laughed and held each other up! We played the 'party scene' perfectly - even made the Poughkeepsie Journal!
After the scenes were over, we split up again to join our respective businesses - Elizabeth Boutique and New Creations. I was so happy and honored to represent Beth Madsen at the event. She worked so hard putting this all together and I really wanted to make her proud of her selections. Hopefully she found a great deal of satisfaction in putting in the time and effort in creating such a wonderful event. In fact, it was obvious that she did! She simply glowed that night!
The last part of the event pulled each of the survivors out to stand in aisles of theater. Announced by name and time since diagnosis, I was honored to be among the 25 or so women in the show who took their places with their roses. When all of us were in place, the call went out to the audience for other survivors to also stand as we were all honored with applause and a song. Of course, the song was 'I'm Gonna Love You Through It' - more on that in another post.
While the song was playing, it was very emotional to look out to see Bob and Sarah, Shelly, my friends the Kram's and the Marcus's, Jackie and Marisa and anyone else I knew that came out to support this cause that has grown so dear to my heart. I hugged my family, my old and new friends and my sister-survivors as I felt an enormous sense of gratitude for what I have.
A huge thank you to those involved. It was a great experience for me and know the success of the event is a true testiment to the commitment of those who created it. Hugs and more hugs!!!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Silhouette of a Woman - the pre-game show
Tonight was the rehearsal for the Silhouette of a Woman fashion show at the Bardavon. I was asked by Beth from Elizabeth Boutique to be one of her models and I quickly agreed. This is to benefit the Miles of Hope organization and Beth has been hard at work putting it all together. Here she is doing her thing -
They have over 60 models and I'll be appearing in the Shadows scene. We did a quick run thru tonight. Walking to center stage, walking through the audience and back up. It was quite funny how many of the models were very serious about their jobs. The second part we came out associated with our boutique and salon - it was nice to represent both Elizabeth's and New Creations - Beth has been very supportive of me and Colleen made me feel great by making me a red head once again!
The very last part, each survivor is announced with the length of time since diagnosis. 11 months for me. I'm the newbie, so to speak. Many people said congratulations to us and we shared our stories between us. Again, as I stand there, I'm simply amazed it's me. That I'm counted among the 'sisters'. Totally surreal - I'm betting tomorrow night is worse....
They have over 60 models and I'll be appearing in the Shadows scene. We did a quick run thru tonight. Walking to center stage, walking through the audience and back up. It was quite funny how many of the models were very serious about their jobs. The second part we came out associated with our boutique and salon - it was nice to represent both Elizabeth's and New Creations - Beth has been very supportive of me and Colleen made me feel great by making me a red head once again!
The very last part, each survivor is announced with the length of time since diagnosis. 11 months for me. I'm the newbie, so to speak. Many people said congratulations to us and we shared our stories between us. Again, as I stand there, I'm simply amazed it's me. That I'm counted among the 'sisters'. Totally surreal - I'm betting tomorrow night is worse....
Monday, October 24, 2011
October Dance Days
It's been a while since I submitted a post here - almost a month! After so many posts, it's hard to believe I didn't feel compelled to write something over so many days. But, it's that time of year for me... recital time. Much of my free time is spent creating and fine-tuning the assorted projects I have going on for Yanarella School of Dance.
This year's story ballet is shaping up nicely. Alice (in Wonderland) is a pretty complex story that I put together using primarly the soundtrack from the Broadway show Wonderland. Certainly NOT the Disney version! I love the score. There are so many meaningful and powerful messages in the songs that's its hard for me to believe that it closed it's Broadway run so quickly. I do feel lucky that we got to see it - me, Bob, Laura and Halley. It really inspired me to work on this story.
Year after year, I am surprised and amazed at the talent and effort that emerges. This year, we have a dedicated group of 13 dancers that comprise all the characters of story. We spend most Sundays in September, October and November learning and rehearsing over long 10 or 12 hour days. These girls give me everything they have... and we are all exhausted afterward. The effort is so worth it in the end. We all create nice memories and bonds that we share. These are important parts of our lives that shape us all - even me. Even now.
So, it's October. This time last year I was feeling some pain in my left breast at the site of a cyst that had grown. Nothing that was going to stop me from going about my day to day business. I planned on telling my doctor about it when I saw him for my annual exam. In the meantime, I would keep an eye on it.
I do feel like I've come full circle as I enter this first anniversay. I still take one day at a time... don't look too far into the future. Trying to enjoy life and appreciate what I have. And I have alot!!!
This year's story ballet is shaping up nicely. Alice (in Wonderland) is a pretty complex story that I put together using primarly the soundtrack from the Broadway show Wonderland. Certainly NOT the Disney version! I love the score. There are so many meaningful and powerful messages in the songs that's its hard for me to believe that it closed it's Broadway run so quickly. I do feel lucky that we got to see it - me, Bob, Laura and Halley. It really inspired me to work on this story.
Year after year, I am surprised and amazed at the talent and effort that emerges. This year, we have a dedicated group of 13 dancers that comprise all the characters of story. We spend most Sundays in September, October and November learning and rehearsing over long 10 or 12 hour days. These girls give me everything they have... and we are all exhausted afterward. The effort is so worth it in the end. We all create nice memories and bonds that we share. These are important parts of our lives that shape us all - even me. Even now.
So, it's October. This time last year I was feeling some pain in my left breast at the site of a cyst that had grown. Nothing that was going to stop me from going about my day to day business. I planned on telling my doctor about it when I saw him for my annual exam. In the meantime, I would keep an eye on it.
I do feel like I've come full circle as I enter this first anniversay. I still take one day at a time... don't look too far into the future. Trying to enjoy life and appreciate what I have. And I have alot!!!
Monday, September 26, 2011
Moving on
Doctor appointment tomorrow - plastic surgeon. It's just a regular check up, but I'm hoping we can start talking about planning for the next surgery. It will be a relief to get the permanent implants in place.
What am I relieving? I don't really know. The doctor can't tell me they'll feel any better than the ones I have now, but I'm hoping that's the case. Hoping they'll feel a little more natural, softer. That's the physical aspect of it. Maybe the relief I seek is to close this chapter and move on.
Moving on, what is that? Do I forget about what's happened to me over the past 10 months? 10 months - that seems like such a short amount of time. It's not even a year yet! It's hard to explain how it feels - in some ways things are still so fresh, but in others it feels like a distant memory.
No, I'll never forget. The memory will soften as the time grows longer but it will never go away. I don't want it to.
What am I relieving? I don't really know. The doctor can't tell me they'll feel any better than the ones I have now, but I'm hoping that's the case. Hoping they'll feel a little more natural, softer. That's the physical aspect of it. Maybe the relief I seek is to close this chapter and move on.
Moving on, what is that? Do I forget about what's happened to me over the past 10 months? 10 months - that seems like such a short amount of time. It's not even a year yet! It's hard to explain how it feels - in some ways things are still so fresh, but in others it feels like a distant memory.
No, I'll never forget. The memory will soften as the time grows longer but it will never go away. I don't want it to.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Second Life
Here it is... September.
One year ago, I had no idea the turn my life would take. Just 9 months ago, 2 weeks after my recital last year, I found out I had breast cancer. From that moment, my life flipped upside down. While I tried to take each day at a time and deal with what came my way, nothing ever seemed really 'normal'.
Time marched on and so did all my treatments and doctors appointments. Previously, I was always so healthy and energetic, but this wouldn't always be the case now. I spent my birthday, anniversary and countless holidays and weekends making the best of it all. It wasn't always easy, but you do what you have to and can do.
How different yet the same everything seems now. I feel good. I am working, dancing, running just as I did last year. Well, almost as I did last year - just a little lazy in the 'training' department. The difference is that I'm thankful for each day I get to do it all over again.
So, this weekend I spent a few hours at the nail salon. As bad as my nails were just a few months ago, these people were miracle workers. This one woman in particular (her name happens to be Mary!!) at this salon made them look just as they did before.
But this time, I had someone else. She had a heavy spanish accent and we didn't talk at first. I don't even know her name because I could barely understand her. She worked on my feet, which still have a heavy ridge at the top of the toe nail as a result of the chemo side effects. When we moved to the chair to do my finger nails we were able to decipher our languages a little better. I was marveling at how great my nails look naked! She thought I was looking at the imperfections in her work! When I was able to explain why I was so happy, she instantly smiled. She too had breast cancer 9 years ago and had suffered the nail discoloration, pain, markings, etc. that I did. Her's still show signs of that. She was amazed at how good my nails looked. We talked about breast size and hair and feeling bad. All the memories that are so hard to erase.
Finally, she ended her time with me by talking about getting a second life. Congratulating me for getting here and wishing me the best for my future. I wished her the same. We were instant friends - kindred spirits of sorts.
It's September. I get to celebrate my kids birthdays - Sarah will be 23 and Alex 25. Bob's is next and then mine. In between is work, work, work, my dance recital and all the preparations that lead up to that, a run or two and plenty of other day to day activities. It's a very busy time of year and I'm entirely grateful that I'm here to be able to deal with it all and enjoy all the craziness. And then it's Thanksgiving... it will mark the year anniversary of the dreaded news. But this year Thanksgiving is met head on as a celebration of life and hope. I am truly thankful for my second life.
One year ago, I had no idea the turn my life would take. Just 9 months ago, 2 weeks after my recital last year, I found out I had breast cancer. From that moment, my life flipped upside down. While I tried to take each day at a time and deal with what came my way, nothing ever seemed really 'normal'.
Time marched on and so did all my treatments and doctors appointments. Previously, I was always so healthy and energetic, but this wouldn't always be the case now. I spent my birthday, anniversary and countless holidays and weekends making the best of it all. It wasn't always easy, but you do what you have to and can do.
How different yet the same everything seems now. I feel good. I am working, dancing, running just as I did last year. Well, almost as I did last year - just a little lazy in the 'training' department. The difference is that I'm thankful for each day I get to do it all over again.
So, this weekend I spent a few hours at the nail salon. As bad as my nails were just a few months ago, these people were miracle workers. This one woman in particular (her name happens to be Mary!!) at this salon made them look just as they did before.
But this time, I had someone else. She had a heavy spanish accent and we didn't talk at first. I don't even know her name because I could barely understand her. She worked on my feet, which still have a heavy ridge at the top of the toe nail as a result of the chemo side effects. When we moved to the chair to do my finger nails we were able to decipher our languages a little better. I was marveling at how great my nails look naked! She thought I was looking at the imperfections in her work! When I was able to explain why I was so happy, she instantly smiled. She too had breast cancer 9 years ago and had suffered the nail discoloration, pain, markings, etc. that I did. Her's still show signs of that. She was amazed at how good my nails looked. We talked about breast size and hair and feeling bad. All the memories that are so hard to erase.
Finally, she ended her time with me by talking about getting a second life. Congratulating me for getting here and wishing me the best for my future. I wished her the same. We were instant friends - kindred spirits of sorts.
It's September. I get to celebrate my kids birthdays - Sarah will be 23 and Alex 25. Bob's is next and then mine. In between is work, work, work, my dance recital and all the preparations that lead up to that, a run or two and plenty of other day to day activities. It's a very busy time of year and I'm entirely grateful that I'm here to be able to deal with it all and enjoy all the craziness. And then it's Thanksgiving... it will mark the year anniversary of the dreaded news. But this year Thanksgiving is met head on as a celebration of life and hope. I am truly thankful for my second life.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Success
Success is one of those things that can be a moving target. What is considered to be the meaning of success today can change as our lives change. Success comes in all different shapes and forms and can show up at different times.
All our lives we are taught to set goals and when we reach those goals, we are supposed to feel successful. Some measure their self-worth based on these lofty goals. But I think success can happen long before the final goal is reached. And who's to say that if you don't reach that goal, that you should feel proud of your accomplishments. The milestones along the way can be just as successful and fulfilling.
Life is full of ups and downs, hills and valleys. We fall down and get up and try again. Where do we find the drive to keep going when you get defeated so often? Human beings have an indomitable spirit and ability to adapt to new circumstances.
Never give up... I saw the best example of that phrase in action this past week. I know a guy. This guy recently reached a goal that took a long time to achieve. When there was a dead end, he found another road. Success. As each step along the way was climbed, a new one was added to the ladder. Challenge after challenge wore him down but he persevered. More successes. Finally, 6 years of hard work finished with a diploma and yet another roller coaster ride began. You'd think after all this, your ego would be hurt, your drive diminished. Just over 2 months after and hundreds of resumes later, the job offer came in the mail. The perfect offer from the ideal company. The result of hard work and many many goals and successes.
Is success found in the ultimate goal? No, I don't believe so. Success is living your life everyday the way YOU believe is best. Finding happiness in what you do and making the best of every situation is success.
I couldn't be prouder of this guy - if you haven't figured it out, it's my Alex. He'll be very angry with me for writing this about him. He's very humble and not boastful and really doesn't like it when we make a big deal about things. But this is a big deal to me and Bob and we just can't hold in our excitement for him. Sorry Bud - couldn't help myself!! Love you.
Success is found all along the way... with many more to come!
All our lives we are taught to set goals and when we reach those goals, we are supposed to feel successful. Some measure their self-worth based on these lofty goals. But I think success can happen long before the final goal is reached. And who's to say that if you don't reach that goal, that you should feel proud of your accomplishments. The milestones along the way can be just as successful and fulfilling.
Life is full of ups and downs, hills and valleys. We fall down and get up and try again. Where do we find the drive to keep going when you get defeated so often? Human beings have an indomitable spirit and ability to adapt to new circumstances.
Never give up... I saw the best example of that phrase in action this past week. I know a guy. This guy recently reached a goal that took a long time to achieve. When there was a dead end, he found another road. Success. As each step along the way was climbed, a new one was added to the ladder. Challenge after challenge wore him down but he persevered. More successes. Finally, 6 years of hard work finished with a diploma and yet another roller coaster ride began. You'd think after all this, your ego would be hurt, your drive diminished. Just over 2 months after and hundreds of resumes later, the job offer came in the mail. The perfect offer from the ideal company. The result of hard work and many many goals and successes.
Is success found in the ultimate goal? No, I don't believe so. Success is living your life everyday the way YOU believe is best. Finding happiness in what you do and making the best of every situation is success.
I couldn't be prouder of this guy - if you haven't figured it out, it's my Alex. He'll be very angry with me for writing this about him. He's very humble and not boastful and really doesn't like it when we make a big deal about things. But this is a big deal to me and Bob and we just can't hold in our excitement for him. Sorry Bud - couldn't help myself!! Love you.
Success is found all along the way... with many more to come!
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