BwayFans Take Manhattan!!!

Traditional Train Picture!!!

I'm still recovering from this!  What a day we had...

I organized the second trip of the year for Workshop this week.  In recent years, the second show would usually be the one we were using pieces from for recital - Shrek (Freak Flag), Wicked (well, most all of Wicked!).  Anyway, this year we are using music from Wonderland but, sadly, that show closed within a month of opening!

My usual group size is 20 or so.  This time I didn't get the participation from the girls as I expected but we adjusted and went anyway.  It ended up with 6 of us - Juliane, Taylor, Sara, Lauren, Jackie and I.  Since I had such a small group, we could move around the city a lot easier and faster.  We could eat where ever we wanted with out having to worry about group seating.  I also planned to go to Broadway Dance Center (BDC) so the girls could take a class or 2 there before we went to the show.

The show - it was a pretty easy choice considering who was in the group with me!  Juliane is absolutely obsessed with Sutton Foster.... so Anything Goes it was.  It's a big splashy musical with great music and dance and a giant tap number to close Act I that I'd seen on the Tony's already - I knew we'd all enjoy it.

The dilemma was going to BDC to dance beforehand.  It was their choice to go to the BDC and they seemed excited about it when I first mentioned it.  We've done workshops in the city before seeing shows at other times.  While they were always fun and exciting, the girls didn't like feeling so hot and sweaty afterward.  Getting dressed and sitting through a show at that point was uncomfortable.

It was Tuesday - our last class before we traveled and I printed the BDC and train schedule so we could make some decisions that night.  I also noticed there was rain in the forecast, so an umbrella was a must.  After our regular class, we sat down and talked about the schedules and somewhere in the middle of it, someone brings up seeing a second show instead of dancing... maybe it was me... I don't remember!  It was intriguing to me because I've never seen 2 shows in one day - movies, yes, Broadway shows, never!  So, I scurried home and connected to the computer as quickly as I could to research if we could get to another show the next afternoon.

Nothing of interest came up in the Off-Broadway search.  I went that route to find something different and interesting.  We needed a matinee and there aren't a lot of Wed matinees Off Broadway.  I was entirely too tired to continue to search... so I gave up and went to bed.  Before I did though, I chatted to Juliane to make the decision that no matter what we'd see a 2nd show so the girls wouldn't have to pack dance clothes if they weren't going to use them.  With no show decision that night, I figured I'd stand on the TKTS line to see what I could get.

I went into the office early to get through my emails and set appointments for the balance of the week. I did a quick search in between and found what I was looking for.  I was so excited and tweeted 'surprise' to get some of them thinking.

Taylor was my first pickup at Ketchum - right after her Driver's Ed class.  Next, to Sara, then JP and LP and finally we mashed Jacklyn into the back seat for the short trip to the train.  Once on the train, I played a little 20 questions to get them to guess what we were seeing first.  It took them longer than I thought it would to figure out the show was.... Sister Act!  It also had one of it's big numbers on the Tony's and I wasn't overly thrilled about it there but the price was right and we were open to anything.

The rest of the train ride consisted of laughing, talking, photos.... just enjoying each other's company.  It continued when we shared a quick bite to eat on a bench in Grand Central before going up into the big city.  

I was just so happy to be there with this group.  Our adventure began walking through the diamond district and ogling the beautiful jewelry.  We were so flexible and carefree - we could have walked and done anything and it would have been ok.  But once we hit Time Square, we had to head up town straight to the theatre. 

Sister Act turned out to be a fantastic choice!  My surprise really surprised all of us - it was so hysterically funny with catchy music and clever lyrics that when intermission came we all looked at each other in total shock!!! We really loved this show WAY more than we expected to and the second act didn't disappoint.  There was even a touching scene when all the sisters stood to take the bullet for Dolores.  Believe it or not, I could relate to the sentiment and knew the other girls could feel it too.  We had a new bond that day - we've always been 'dance' sisters but .... read between the lines....

Show one done. It has started to rain while we were in the theater.  Off to dinner at a nice Italian place on Restaurant Row.  More relaxed talking and sharing and eating and whatever!  Just a nice time.  It's now pouring outside and we still have an hour to kill so we make our way to Forever 21 by request.  Sara is all about the shopping and comes away finding something she likes!!!

Show two - Anything Goes.  I know we could not get there early enough for Juliane so we head over as soon as we can.  There is a covered walkthru next to the theater and we camp out there until the doors open just taking pictures of flamingos, foreheads, what have you! 

The doors are finally open and we get to our balcony seats - they weren't too bad really.  We are so accustomed to the environment and enjoy just looking at the logo in anticipation of the start of the show.  Have I mentioned the Sutton obsession that Juliane has?  Let's just say, she did not budge from her seat for fear she miss any moment of seeing her!  She was very cute... a big BIG fan!

This show did not disappoint - big, splashy musical as I anticipated!  Unique staging, dancing top notch, funny bits from much of the cast but especially Joel Grey, great orchestrated score - overall a fantastic rendition of the classic musical. And Sutton was wonderful as expected!!

As we sat on the train home, the events of the day rushed over me.  I smiled over how well we all traveled together and how much we enjoyed each other's company.  How easy it was for us to adapt to the changes of the day - sun, rain, show, 2 shows, no dance.  It didn't seem to matter.  Content is a good word for it. Truthfully, I was exhausted but loved what I was hearing all around me as I shut my eyes to try to rest for my long ride home.  We recounted the funny parts - Gelato, FM boots, no UW, Taylor's attractive forehead, so much more.  These are the moments that make life so special.   I'm just so glad to be here to experience it.

I know they all had a great day... if they only knew how much it really meant to me.

49 - 28 - 35

Measurements?  Maybe if you were Barbie!  These numbers are not physical measurements but markers.

49 - Way back in the beginning of my writing this blog, I mentioned an article I read about other survivors and the goals they had.  Reasons to feel the pain of chemotherapy and radiation and cure yourself just to see your children get married or hold your grandchild.  I couldn't wrap my head around it back then.

I used to be the one who never broke the mold - laughing in adversity, enjoying any situation, serious professional when I needed to be, concerned for the safety of my family, a caring friend and supporter, tough enough to stand up to the big boys, etc.  A force unto myself.  Never really getting 'that' close to people so they would know ALL about me.  I created a good cover - stone cold Mary.

In my 49th year of life on this planet, I've become a different person. Many of these things about me haven't changed.  I still laugh and smile to make the best of a situation.  Life is fun, after all!  I always look on the bright side as an eternal optimist.  What has changed is I'm not emotionless as I once was.  I wear my vulnerability much more on my sleeve.  Tears flow a lot more easily than they ever have.  Sometimes uncontrollably - it's not my comfort zone, but I can't seem to help it.

Over the course of these last 7 months, the outpouring of love and support that has come my way has been overwhelming.  Cards and letters, internet chats and emails, flowers and plants all meant so much to me.  With each note, I felt my armor crack and finally crumble away.  It helped me to realize how many people I've effected and how I'm not done making a difference in others lives. 

My family, my friends, my dancer family, my office - all of them are the reason I did chemotherapy, surgery and radiation to cure myself.  I love my life and want to live more of it!  I'm not done yet.

28 - This week I finished my radiation treatments.  The extra safety measures to ensure we got all the cancer. I didn't feel the fatigue they described, just some soreness like a sunburn with the worst of it under my armpit.  It feels better each day.

35 - About a year ago, Bob and I were driving past a cemetery and we started to talk about heaven.  Being Jewish, Bob doesn't believe in the concept of a life after death but I do.  He asked me what I would look like when I'm in heaven.  Back then, my answer was I'd be 35.  When I was 35, I was in the best shape, my hair was still red and I was just in a good place.  Bob listened intensely and devised his own plan.  If I could be whatever I want, then he would be Brad Pitt!!! I think I have him on board with the heaven concept!

But seriously.  I've changed my mind.  When I go to heaven, I want to be who I am today.  I am incredibly satisfied at this moment.  I have some really fulfilling relationships as a result of this disease and wouldn't trade them for the world.  New friends, old friends, my family - they've all brought me to this place that I just wouldn't trade.

Good to the last dose

Tomorrow is my last radiation treatment - woo hoo!  While I am pretty excited about it, it seems I can't quite muster the energy tonight to do much about it.  I am feeling incredibly tired.

We had a great weekend, Bob and I.  We've been seeing alot shows at the Powerhouse Theater at Vassar College again this year.  This weekend we were scheduled to see 3 - Friday, Saturday and Sunday!!!  Knowing it would be too much for us, we gave the Saturday night tickets to Jay from our office. 

Off we went to see February House with Barbara, Allen, Joel and Nadine... let's just say it wasn't our favorite show of summer.  Oh that's right - except for Bob - much to my surprise he really liked it!   I was just not connecting to the music or the story but somehow Bob found the meaning in it all. Well, it just goes to show you never know what a person's going to like or dislike - even after 26 years!

Saturday I went to a Zumba class out in Millbrook and ran some hills.  We went car shopping for Bob that day too - that was fun!!  Hopefully, he'll get the car that makes us feel like we are on vacation VERY soon! After that, we crashed a 21st birthday party to listen to a friend's band and we were supposed to move onto an outdoor concert, but instead we opted to stay.  All I can say is - I laughed so hard at the drunkenness around me!  Our friend was the drummer of this garage band of 50+ guys - they were pretty good until they started the 3rd set after several rounds of shots!!  The dance floor was funny too - imagine Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies dancing with black Mack - one of the drummer's friends.  She smacked him repeatedly, hugged him then turned around for us to see that she had wet her pants!!!  I lost it at that point.... funny night.

Sunday I hit the track for my long run and then Bob and I took the bikes to the Rail Trail for 15 miles.  In between we had a little incident with the M.I.L. which I'll reserve for later - but it was off to another show at the Powerhouse with Barbara and Allen.  This time is was a cute children's show - Island Musical.  Very newly written and still very much in progress from Dar Williams - a fellow Beaconite!  It was short but fun. Afterward, we went to the Karma Lounge to see the Differents - good food and great music!

Why am I telling all this?  To prove a point - I was very tired when I got home last night.  It wasn't very late, maybe around 8pm when we got home.  My body was buzzing like it does when I am overtired.  I attributed it to all the activity of the weekend, of the past 2 weekends!  No real down time just to recoup and recover.

Today, I went to Dyson for my 2nd to last radiation treatment, as usual.  It was exciting to know this was my last week.  They promptly brought me in and prepped me for 2 angles - the 3rd was dropped as part of the plan.  Also, the bolus was dropped a week or so ago because of the reaction my skin was having.  I asked to keep the bolus - for no apparent reason but why not!  So here it is:

So, this thing, would sit on top of me like armor and would simulate another layer of skin.  Thus pulling the radiation closer to the surface of my real skin.  I think it's cool looking - almost like a piece of art or something!

First time I've seen Dr. F in about a month - he's been away on vacation.  He asked how I was feeling and was surprised when I told him I felt fine - no fatigue. He warned me that it could happen at anytime.  The wave of fatigue/tiredness could hit me now, next week or even 6 months from now!

I think he jinxed me.  I was so tired when I got home that I found myself laying in my old familiar spot on the sofa.  The same thing I had done countless times before during my chemo treatments.  I needed a couple of hours of rest but even that didn't really help me get back to speed.  I'm hoping this was an anomaly and not the norm for a while.  I have my last treatment tomorrow, a dance night tomorrow night and we're off to see Sarah on Thursday - I have no time to be tired!!!

All in a Day's Work

Took the train to the city for business today.  It was a beautiful day - sunny, low humidity.  Bob and I went together to tag team at the client ... it's been a long time since we did it and it's always fun and entertaining.

This morning, there was a black gentleman that asked me for the time on the platform in Poughkeepsie.  I gladly gave it to him and we exchanged smiles.  What I didn't notice was both his arms seemed to be prosthetic.  Bob pointed it out to me once we were on the train.  'Did you notice that guy's arms?', he said.  Me being the nosy busy-body that I am had to check it out when I had the opportunity getting off the train.  No wonder I didn't notice - there were beautiful black hands protruding from the long sleeves of a white shirt.  I was surprised Bob could even tell they were false!  I looked closely and yes there was a type of plasticity to them.  They seemed to start at elbow and made arms look unusually long.  He was carrying his shoulder bag in his hand and looked to me again and smiled. 

On our way home now and 6 rows in front of me is an oriental family - I know I'm supposed to use Asian or something, but it's hard to get used to.  They are split across 2 rows.  It's about 7:45p and the train is crowded with business people and the occasional tourist.  On these peak trains, the rule of the day is quiet - sleep and work abound.  But the man on the right is smiling and guestering to the pair in the seat across.  It looks funny to see such an animated face with no noise coming out of it!  I can only see them from the neck up.  Finally, I realize what's happening - they are talking in sign language!  Having a perfectly acceptable 'train' conversation between them!!  Hands and arms are flying as the conversation now looks more like an argument!!   Curiosity has me now - are they still speaking Chinese to each other or is this sign language universal?  If so, could I jump into the middle of  the conversation?  I might have to break up this fight!

On our way to the train today I had to stop at the Dyson Center for my radiation treatment.  I had them move my regular time for me so we could make today's appointment with the client.  Dan and Maggie were nice enough to come in 15 minutes early to take care of me before 8am.  For my outfit today, I purposely wore a shirt with a collar to hide the redness of my chest and shoulder on the right.  I've got this whisper of a hairdo that calls enough attention to me, I didn't need to show off my 'sunburn' to start the initial meeting with a conversation about my bout with breast cancer and what it's done to me.  So, we didn't.  I walked in, shook hands, exchanged pleasantries and went to work. 

The man with no hands, the family with no hearing and me all have something in common.  We strive to just be ok with what we have, or have not.  To find a way to conduct our day as easily and comfortably as we can. To live a life that's full and interesting and joyful.  To understand those that feel pain and feel less of themselves, but not to pity them for they wouldn't have it that way.  Comfortable in your own skin ... lemons and lemonade ... all in a day's work.

Signs of Life

These past 2 weekends have been incredibly busy.  Bob and I traveled from one graduation party to the next.  We had a birthday party or 2 sprinkled in, along with a bridal shower, a few dinner parties with friends, a couple of dance rehearsals and finally a rendez-vous at Torches with a 'new' couple.

All these things are signs of life.

The graduates all have such promising futures and their excitement is infectious.  I only wish the best for them as they venture onto this next phase.  Life continues as they grow and create more incredible experiences for themselves as adults.

Birthday parties mark the most special and memorable days for children (and adults too)!  Another year older and happy to add them up!  Enjoying all the little joys of childhood each and every day - I can still remember that feeling.  Watching my 'greats' opening gifts and blowing out candles makes me want more joys each day.

I went to a bridal shower this weekend too.  These KIDS are getting married!! It's hard to believe I was that young once  - even though at that time in my life, I didn't feel that young either!  So cute to see them opening gifts and dreaming of their life together... a wonderful reminder of all that I already have.

The fabric of my life is made up of all different fibers - friends that come in all ages, shapes, sizes and backgrounds.  Each brings something important and unique to share with the other.  It's what makes it interesting to be together and you know these people would have your back if you needed them.  The closest thing to family without being them...

My weekly dance rehearsals with an incredible set of girls makes me appreciate their passion as I make them roll out of bed at 9am on a Sunday morning.  Commitment to their goals, to themselves, to each other and to me prove this extracurricular activity that we all share can enrich your life and teach positive life lessons.  Lessons I learn from THEM each and every day.

During this weekend we made a quick trip to visit the makings of something new over there in Newburgh.  Happiness was all around and I could feel it.  Why go through life unhappy??? This feeling is just soooo much better! 

Life has lots of ups and downs.  It's your perspective that gets you through to the next phase.  Take a look  - the signs are all around.... but boy am I exhausted!!

Mortality

Did you ever wonder what this life was all about?  Why are you here?  Do you have a purpose - not as a whole but as an individual?  Would it matter if you were gone?

My mortality has become very real to me.  I'm not going to be here forever.  The thought can go through my brain in a flash at all different times.  Like the split second in Philosophy class when you thought you 'got it'...

Things look very different to me now.  You get up each day after a night's sleep to greet the sun with hope that you'll do the same tomorrow.  You get the chance to start everything fresh and new, right any wrongs, make peace, apologize and love your family and friends more fervently.  You wonder why you worry about certain things because in the great scheme it really doesn't matter.  And why you did do all this before.

A day at the office, a night at the studio, a drive to Poughkeepsie, a phone call with the kids, an internet chat, dinner with friends - things you do all the time that impact your everyday and other's everyday all seem sweeter. 

Life is a chain reaction.  What I do in the days I have on this earth impact all those I touch, and so on.  Make sure the people that are important to you know it NOW so they can pass it on.  You'll never regret taking that great emotional leap.

Never last my ass!!!

It was a cold and windy and rainy Sunday. I tried on one dress and bought it off the rack.  I fixed my own hair and did my own makeup. The sun came out and I was surrounded by my family and friends as I walked down the aisle with my father to marry this guy I met 1 year and 11 months before.  Two people from opposite ends of the spectrum somehow brought together by fate. One wedding guest (whom shall remain nameless!!) leaned over to my mother and said, 'it'll never last'.

We knew it wasn't going to be easy but it didn't matter.  We were in love.  The Jew and the Catholic.  Blue collar and white collar.  So different, but so much in common.  Like a jigsaw puzzle, we just fit together.

Let's fast forward 26 years...

I spend my days and nights with Bob.  We live and work and play together.  We are lucky enough to have 2 beautiful children that we raised to be independent successful adults.   So many wonderful things to recount over the years that its just too many to list.  We've had ups and downs, but always came out on top.  We are blessed in so many ways.

Why am I writing about this on my Breast Cancer blog?  Because it's here that I want to say if it were not for Bob, the success of these past 6 months would not have been possible.  He was with me at every doctor appointment, at every chemo treatment, at every moment of stress.  Bob was asking questions, researching information, making plans, helping with my dressings and medications.  He was cleaning the house, making  dinner, driving me everywhere I needed to be.  He held my hands before surgery and hugged me when I was afraid and never once made me feel less of a woman.  He was and is unbelievably supportive.  I think it even surprised him how much.

Bob has this way of putting a timeline on everything.  So when I was crying in the car on our way to chemo treatment #3 and I felt like I was going nowhere fast, Bob started talking to me about being almost done with #3, which meant we were virtually at treatment #4, which was over the half way point, which brought us straight to #5 with treatment #6 right after and practically done.  I suddenly was almost finished with chemo even before I got out of the car!  Quite the salesman, he is.  It was a good way to give me some perspective to work with even though it wasn't very accurate!  Plus, it made me laugh... always a good thing.

I love him for all he is and all he's done for me, for us, for our family.  This disease I have made us stronger as a couple - a force.  He held me up and I would turn around and do the same for him.  We always knew we would go the distance way back in 1985, but we never thought we'd be faced with cancer in this way. We've proven that we can overcome any adversity and wiped away the thought that I might not be here for the future years.  I'm thrilled that we are able to celebrate our 26th anniversary together and look forward to many more!

I love you Bobby ..........

Woo Hoo!!

I haven't been blogging for a few weeks - I just haven't had it in me.  The last chemo treatment took a lot out of me while I tried to deny that it did.   We traveled to Washington DC last weekend which had its ups and downs for me, physically.  I've been trying to dance from a chair for the past few weeks because of the fatigue and weakness.  Work - let's just say thank god Bob and I have this business!  My ability to work 10 hour days are a thing of the past.   I'm lucky if I fit a couple of hours in.

I have some very good days!  Last week, it was a surprising Wednesday for me.  Usually, I'm dragging after a Tuesday night of dance.  This time on Wednesday I felt unusually good.  I actually contacted my trainer that day to schedule a date to return to training .... then came Thursday.  It was Thursday where I found myself struggling to do much of anything.  I spent a lot of time laying down to relieve the swelling in my legs.  I was enormously tired.  Sleep was the order of the day.

That's kind of how it's been going. Up and down.  To sit down and write meant I might have swelling in my legs or miss a couple of hours of needed sleep.  So to all those followers who've been waiting for me to return to the blog - I'm sorry for not being here!  But today is the day I return to writing... to document the past and push to the future.  Woo hoo!!

Flick a switch

We finally all pile into the car and head down to Manhattan.  I'm already wiped out, but have every intention of going through with my master plan - rest, show, sleep. 

We pull up to the Marquis for what we thought would be valet parking and the lot is full!! Disappointing when trying to fulfill my master plan.  I haven't used it much, but when I trudged and waddled my way up to the desk to talk to the gentleman sitting there, I played the Cancer card.  Yup, I did.  And, lo and behold, there was a space available!  (It won't be the last time I use it!)

If you've never stayed at the Marquis, let's just say it's an enormous hotel in the middle of Time Square.  It felt like I had to walk a mile to get to the huge bank of elevators that seem to take forever to appear to just to take us to the 8th floor to check in.  Still more walking and waiting before we can make it to our room and I'm SOOOOO ready for the 'rest' portion of our night.  It certainly was not enough.

Before we knew it, we had to head down to Juniors to meet Laura and Halley for dinner.  I chose Juniors for 2 reasons - it was right next door and it has great Matzoh Ball Soup.  It was a long wait for dinner but it was worth it.

I forgot to mention that it was also Night of 1000 Gowns in the ballroom that night.  What's that you ask?? It's a drag charity event that will be televised on Bravo.  Here's Bob and I going down the elevator with a 7 foot tall 'woman' with fabulous heels and 3 inch long eyelashes!   Bob just couldn't resist....


Bob and the Girls!!!

 Off to the show.  Wonderland.  A modern day take on the classic story.  It was very well done with some great characters and songs.  I think both Halley and I liked Maddie Hatter the most - the bad girl with legs a mile long and a voice that would knock you out.  Or maybe it was the 8 girls that served as the caterpillar's legs - so cool and sexy.  No wait!  I nearly forgot the 'boy band' that backed up the White Night!!! I DID NOT STOP LAUGHING!!   Overall a great show!  Even though I sat in my seat all night just trying to hold it together, I was able to flick my switch and stand for the cast as they took their bows!!  Worth the effort!

I escaped to my room to prepare for a not-so-good night sleep and had Bob, Laura and Halley head to Time Square.  We needed to get a picture for posterity!

Laura, Bob and Halley on the Red Steps

Breakfast and we were out .... I had acupuncture and didn't want to miss.  It was the last effort of my day... I burned the candle at both ends and now was shot for the night.  I took all the meds (new and old) and settled down to rest.  I even took a long bath late at night and it seemed to help me sleep soundly.  A good solid 5 hours - I'll take it!

#5

Things went a little smoother this time.  Without the Adriamycin, it seemed to cut off 30 minutes or so.  It seems all meds that I take have an effect on me even down to the saline.  I can feel each and every one of them pulse through my veins.  The nurses say I'm sensitive - sure, I'm sensitive alright!

I was quite tired through the infusion, but didn't seem to sleep much.  Couldn't really open my eyes either. Just listened to what was going on around me.  If I did open my eyes, I couldn't talk because nothing that made any sense came out so I just kept my mouth shut and smiled from time to time.  My drug induced alter-ego.

The rest of the day was a day of rest.  Nothing more than sleeping, eating and tv.  My knees were feeling very stiff and invisibly swollen.  But when I woke up, I they felt much better probably because I was laying flat.  On top of that, I was pretty functional for the entire morning.  I was able to check into work and do a little for my clients. Sarah made me one of my all-time favorite breakfasts - Eggs Benedict - it was great and this was her first try!!!  She went off to go shopping with Phyllis and Alex came home to take me to my Nuelasta shot. 

Alex and Bob waited outside while I ran in to have my shot which usually takes just a few minutes.  It was pretty crowded in there so it definitely took longer.  When I was leaving, the receptionist asked me to wait because someone was headed down to meet me.  She referred to her as a 'breast navigator'!  I have never heard of that in my life!! A few minutes later Linda appeared and nicely introduced herself and asked if I needed anything.  She is available to help me with anything I may have needed to get me through the end.  My friend Barbara asked her to come to see me - friends in high places!  I explained where I was in the process and if I needed anything I would be sure to contact her.  So many nice people out there caring about me.  Thank you all.

I was beat when I got home.  I knew I needed to lay down as my chest was hurting and I was tired.  I slept longer than I expected and I didn't do anything tonight as planned.  Bob and Sarah went to services and Alex and I stayed home and watched a movie.  Plans are always flexible these days. 

Today is my Friday!

Tried to finish up all my work for the week today... that didn't happen the way I wanted it to, but I'll figure it out.  We decided to go to a movie and hit one of our favorite restaurants (Bonsai) before with Sarah.  We met our friends Barbara and Allen their too - it was good to be out especially knowing I'll be home for a week or so.

Dinner and movie tonight - drugs and sleep tomorrow.

I am doing a little prep work today - Oatmeal, prunes, colace, 'Smooth Move' tea - I'm trying anything to not feel like I did last time.  I even went to Elisa to get stuck with some needles in all the right places to keep things moving!!!

We'll see how it goes.... hahahahahahaha!!!

TWITS

I had been planning to go to the city to see Billy Elliot on Sunday with my little group of theater lovers, the TWITS.   There was a little kink in the works... ice! 

Saturday night, Bob and I went to Shelly and Chris's to hang for awhile.  We left early because I had a busy day the next day and I wanted to be sure to get enough rest for it.  It was about 9:30 when we left... and it was about 10:15 when we got home.  S & C live 5 miles away.... the travel home was fine.  We turned up the driveway and made it half way up and the wheels spun on the ice.  You see, it was warm during the day but got cold again at night.  The driveway under the trees never had a chance to dry out and it froze over solid. 

Now, we have lived here a long time and have backed down the driveway in the winter many many times before.  Bob starts backwards and since we were on just the first bend, we had to turn the wheel slightly which made us head straight for the drop off and/or a tree.  All I could say was oh my god, oh my GOD, oh MY GOD, OH MY GOD!!!  The car turned 90 degrees and stopped.  We left the car and walked up to the house - Bob on one side of the driveway me on the other - stamping our way up thru the thick ice cover snow until we reached the part of the driveway that was dry. 

The next day, the boys head down to try to get the car up or down so I can go to the show.  I was to pick up the girls around 10:30am after my acupuncture appointment.  I kept the pickup time at 10:30 even though I had canceled acupuncture the night before - not know what to expect in the morning.  But the temperature was rising and the boys thought we'd be ok.  I did check out 'Plan B' - the train schedule - just in case.  Bob and Alex headed down there with shovels.  By the time I got there, Bob was on the phone with Danny, our neighbor for additional help.  Danny and his son come over with their truck and a rope, 4 shovels and kitty litter. Time marches on and we aren't getting any closer to the road.... well, maybe a little. 

It was getting a little too close for comfort so I called the girls and had them head to the train.  I would meet them there.  Their worry??? Would I be lonely driving alone!! Cute, huh?  The boys got me out of the driveway and on my way.  In fact, I actually got to the restaurant before they did!

We made it to the show in plenty of time.  I have seen it twice before, but really hoped the girls would like it. There's just something special about this show.  The dancing, the message - it all worked for me.  We didn't have great seats... in fact we were in the last row of the balcony!  But that didn't seem to matter.  I enjoyed it as much this time as the rest.  I helped the girls understand a bit of what was going on with the storyline at intermission.  Margaret Thatcher was a big part of the 2nd act and I had to explain who she was and how she effected the lives of the coal miners we were watching.  They got it and seemed to love it as much as I did!

The drive home was filled with giggling and laughing and talking.  Just the way I like it.  We made it home in time for most of the super bowl, but I realized we did not take one picture of us during the entire day! 

Either way - I want to thank Bob and Alex for their efforts to get me out of the driveway.  The Moore's for pitching in too.  The Twits for putting up with it and making the rest of the day worth it!

TOPLESS

.... I knew that would get everyone's attention!!! I'm curious to see if my Audience stats and hits on my blog goes up because of this title!  Ah - a little behavioral experiment to pass the time...

I'm feeling a little tired tonight, but I had a very good day otherwise.  After a good night's sleep (thank you Tylenol PM!!) I went for my blood test, worked with a client for a several hours and off to meet with Heather of Hands On Massage and Wellness for a massage.  Before Bob and I went to Hawaii, I was going for massage on a regular basis.  I do believe in it's benefits  - did I mention that we went to Hawaii for our 25th Anniversary??  I'll save that for another post.

I decided to get back to massage after last week's chemo treatment.  While I was at Dyson, a therapist came to my lounge chair and gave me a bit of a back and neck massage.  What's nice is, a grant from Miles of Hope supplies this service.  You can even schedule a massage there at the Dyson Center and you simply give a donation as payment.  This is when I decided to go back to massage.  No, I'm not running or training like I used to, but I do feel the effects of the neulasta shot and my occasional burst of exercise at the studio or on the treadmill.  I have realized the benefits of massage for other reasons - stress relief, range of motion, joint flexibility, etc.  I'm not getting any younger and massage helped with all of that.  I was doing a little research and found this:

Massage stimulates the flow of lymph, the body's natural defense system, against toxic invaders. For example, in breast cancer patients, massage has been shown to increase the cells that fight cancer.

Well, that convinced me!  So, today was my first massage after BC!  I'll incorporate a session into my plans on Monday's after the Friday neutlasta shot and the acupuncture session on Sunday- a one-two-three punch for my white blood cells!!!

Topless?  Oh yeah - I took my wig off for the massage!!!

Double Feature

I spent the last weekend getting ready for tomorrow.... You see, I really wanted to see 2 movies and couldn't decide on which one.   There were plenty of things I should have been doing - cleaning, laundry, etc.  Going to the movies was what I wanted to do.  That was my priority.

For about a week I've been feeling pretty good.  Like normal, but with no hair!  So much so, I've been working a normal schedule and going out most every night.  Maybe not as late as we usually would but out.  Last Thursday I went shopping and to dinner with Shelly.  Friday was Temple and dinner with Bob and Sunday Bob had his R&B gig plus we went to see Laura's new place and stop for dinner.... I started the week with a full day of work and the pin party!  The slowest day was yesterday - the snow kept us home but we worked from here and I had a great chat with my Workshop girls last night! More on that later.  And finally today - another full day and out to dinner. 

Back to the movies.  I know I'll be home for the next 10 days and I really wanted to see both The King's Speech and True Grit sooner than later.  Trying to decide with Bob, I said 'Let's see both' and he was up for it!  So we returned from our morning drive with Mark and headed up to the Galleria for Movie 1 - The King's Speech.  We loved it!!! Afterward, we met Shelly and Chris for dinner and they joined us for Movie 2 - True Grit.  Also a good movie!  Then back to S&C's for a glass of wine.  It was the grown-up version of a Double Feature!

The winner of the day???? The King's Speech - 4 thumbs up!

Tomorrow I have my 6 hour infusion of my chemotherapy cocktail... the beginning of another 3 week cycle of  low to medium to high!!!  I won't have the energy to do half of what I did last week.  Half??? Quarter...

But it's the 3rd treatment - half way there!!!  Almost.  The 3 week span between treatments 2 and 3 felt like a long time.  Different than between treatment 1 and 2 - must have been the holidays.  Winter is keeping me holed up in the house more and I sometimes wish I was doing this over the summer or spring when I can go outside.  Just can't sit on the deck and read a book these days!! I'm glad I'm busy just living my life during the days between.

I do indulge myself with 2 movies in one day, hang with my friends, dance when I'm not supposed to, eat almost anything I want, work all day, sleep a little later.... it's my life.  I like to think I fill each moment with everything I can between chemo treatments.  My choice of  not cleaning the house or doing the laundry, but going to a double feature with my boyfriend was definitely the right choice!

...

I sit here listening to the news and the report of this guy who shot the congress woman from Arizona and then sprayed the crowd with bullets comes on.  I can't help but wonder what a mentally ill, confused, sick person this guy is, what drove him to do such a horrible act and that no one had a clue it had gotten to this point.  It is just beyond belief that someone could do this - it could get so far that taking a gun and shooting to kill would make sense to this young man.  I also realize there are thousands of other stories out there with other such atrocities.  This just happens to be a very public figure and we get to hear about it more, bringing light to the horrors of the world.

Let it serve to remind us... life is precious. Appreciate every day. You never know...

Baby Steps

Yesterday, I worked from home ... and I mean I worked!  I was on with clients until about 6:30 last night - that means it was a good day for me.  I didn't feel tired all day, just busy and focused.  I'll take it.  Alex stuck around for the night with us. We hung out, made some rice pudding, watched tv and Bob made me my one lychee martini, yum.  Healthwise, it was uneventful.  Again, I'll take it.

Today, the sun is shining and I'm hoping it's going to melt the ice on the driveway a bit.  I'm going to jump on my treadmill and give it a whirl for a while. Gotta get my butt back to running a little... I'll take it slow, I promise.  Just gotta do it.  Looking at the calendar, I might get to run in a May race.  It's a good goal. 

Can't go to public places this weekend, it's too risky.  We'll take a ride one of these days just so I can get out a bit.  Bob mentioned New Hampshire??? Now that's some ride!

Ticket

Woke up and felt tired.  Went to see Dr. Rubin today to find out what the results of my blood work was.  Alex came along to meet him and see Bonnie.  I sat on the exam table and could have fallen asleep.  He told me I was borderline neutropenic with a wbc of 1.9.  Which means, I was headed home.  Took the car ride home and felt tired.  Tried to get to work today but was too tired to do anything.  I ended up giving up and layed down for a 3 hour nap.  Made dinner and had to sit down to rest.  It looks like all the energy I had all week has been used up!  Almost time for bed... thank god.

The most significant thing that happened to me all day was Bob being pulled over by the state trooper as we were coming off of 84.  We thought it had to be because he had a head light out - that Volvo is notorious for the lights going out and we knew of one.  The cop pulled out and came up to us on the left and slowed down.  As we pulled off onto Route 9, he came along and flipped on his lights.  As Bob rolled down the window, he described the headlight issue to the trooper but the trooper responded with the real reason he pulled us over - inspection overdue!  Well, we were both so surprised by it and we told the trooper so.  Bob simply said to him we were distracted during the month because of my illness.  Trooper left and went back to his car.  He came back and handed Bob a ticket for the inspection and he was appalled that he didn't give him a 'fix it' ticket.  Bob started telling the trooper that he wasn't humane, could have made a choice, etc.  All I could think of was how was I going to get Bob out of jail!  I am not one to confront a police officer EVER, but Bob was great!!! Eloquent in a forceful way - the trooper has no idea what will happen when Bob shows up at court and fights this!  I don't think he cares if he wins or loses, he totally enjoys the argument and cannot wait to get in front of a judge or the trooper himself.  He thrives on this... this ticket and the opportunity it presented totally made Bob's (and my) day!!!

Great Expectations

Perfection is impossible to achieve.   I hope those around me don't expect me to be perfect, because they will be disappointed.  I am not perfect and don't claim to be.  I can only put yesterday behind me and move forward.  Forward motion is the only way.

Through the looking glass

Funny how the world is these days.... Sarah and I are sitting at the kitchen table each with our own computer, talking to each other and surfing through other people's lives.  Different forms of stalking seems to be our entertainment.

Kind of like this blog experience for me.  Would I, under normal circumstances, have taken my journey to the public as I have?  I guess part of me would say yes - I am a bit of a public person in my own way.  I have a very big family, in a business with Bob and a dance teacher to many at Yanarella and I knew it would be nearly impossible to get back to all the people I would have to get back to about my illness.  The blog has helped to keep those who wanted to read about it the ability to keep up with me. What surprised me most was the friends and friends of friends that have come to follow my blog. 

Half of me wants to just be alone with all this.  I can be a pretty private person really.  For example, Bob would like to go out nearly every night and I have to convince him to stay home once in a while on the weekend.  Yeah, I'm all about a good time, but there are times I'd rather be alone.  Bob really enjoys his 'boy's night out' while I can't wait to eat junk food and watch a movie in bed!! My hair?  Would I have taken a picture of me in all my bald splendor and posted it on Facebook?   Uhhh - no.  Bob didn't think twice - poof - my bald head is on the internet!  Not because he was making fun of me, but because he truly thought it was a beautiful thing and wanted to share it with the world.  I've had to come to terms with all this, allowing those close to me to do what they have to while still being true to myself.

More on the wonder of Bob - since we got the news, he's been on a mission to find and create good out of all this.  He's been actively planning Breast Awareness Day at Yanarella School of Dance for early December, 2011 - my 1 year anniversary of remission, hopefully.  He's enlisted oconologists, breast surgeons, representatives from Health Quest, Miles of Hope, etc.  The list goes on and on.  All this swirls around me.  I hear it and cannot believe this is all happening.  Bob is marketing the heck out of this and because of him, we will save lives!

The freedom to unveil my head or talk about my breasts and all my bodily functions has been something that has taken over my life and has proven a lot for me to get used to. Thru this blog or over the internet I get to covertly reveal a lot of me without actually doing it in person. Like I am writing this all for me and who ever reads it, reads it.  That works for me.

Plans change

The difference for me this time through the treatment is knowing a little about what to expect.  The first 2 treatments have coincided with Christmas parties and New Years parties.  Hopefully, the next 4 will be a little less event filled and I won't have to make so many 'guilt-filled' decisions!!! I'm sorry to all my friends for not making it to your festivities - I know you all understand.  But I want to be sure to make my statement public to ease my own conscience.

The rest of the afternoon went very well yesterday.  3 hours at the office working on the books and back to the hospital for the Neulasta.  Sounds like a strange thing to say, but Sarah and I had a nice time doing this stupid, mundane stuff together!  We made a stop at Adams because I was determined to use my meat grinder.  This is the gift I bought myself this year.  I know it sounds strange, but after eating my friend Susan's delicious burgers last summer and then reading a recipe a few weeks ago, I figured what the heck and ordered one for myself!  None of this handcranking that my mother did.   I went for the electric, commercial grade, 100 pound machine!!! It's awesome!  It was missing a little thing called a locking pin - Alex tells me it's kind of important, but I was determined to use it.  So, Sarah and I set ourselves up to hold this thing together and we did it!  I ground chuck, lamb, rib eye and sirloin with some Cilantro, onions and chiles into the best burgers EVER!  I had enough to make a fabulous meatloaf for the day after.  Success!

We also stopped at Walgreen's to pick up some more essentials for when the rest of my face falls off.  Like my eyebrows and eyelashes.  I want to be prepared with a good brow pencil and some nice false eyelashes. 

I felt great most of the day... then all of a sudden the effort I'd need to muster to go to a party at Lisa and Michael's was just too much for me.  I had to back down and stay home.

But, we had a nice time with the kids!  We played Banana's on the bar and banged pans at midnight on the front porch like the good old days!  Afterward, I made them all eat 12 grapes for each bong like the Spanish tradition I learned in High School.  I couldn't eat them myself, so I was the 'bonger' ... if they could eat a grape with each bong, then it's a year of good luck!  Melissa laughed a little too much for a full year, but the rest of the group did great.  It was lots of fun - Doc Rigual would be proud!!!

We sat and watched a little of the party in the city and eventually we trickled up to bed.  This morning I woke to the typical pain of the Neulasta through my body.  It was hard to get moving and even harder to walk up and down the stairs.  I finally made it to the shower an hour later than I wanted to.  We did make it over to the Kram's by 1p.  They had a lovely New Year's lunch with a nice group of new people for us to meet and what a spread Allen put on!!! He is a fabulous cook and the biggest complement I could give to him was that I could actually taste the food and it was great!!!  I lastest about 2 hours or so, but it was a really good 2 hours! 

I'm glad to be home tonight again... this has really put a kink in Bob's social life!!! But he is the best guy in the world and would never make me feel bad. 

Plans for tonight?  Renting a movie and hanging around the house... just what the doctor ordered.