Cha Cha Chia

I'm thinking I'll have a contest with my Homer Simpson Chia Pet to see who can grow their hair the fastest.  Mine's really starting to come in.  I'm told it's the 'peach fuzz' stage... I'll take it!

Special thanks to Barbara for the thoughtful chia gift!

I'm the one on top....

"That's the funniest thing you've said yet!"

It's another snowy, icy day here.  I'm home trying to work some and cook some.  No need to shower first thing in the morning, so I waited until mid afternoon.  I do still always wash my 'hair' - ok, my head.  But this time I really felt more of the stubble than usual and got pretty excited!  So much so, that I started to think about gelling it for more volume - maybe color it.  Whatever it may be, it would be my hair and something to look forward too!

I rush down stairs to show my findings to Bob.  I say, "Look! My hair is growing!"  I bend down so he can see it and put his hand on my head to rub it so he can feel it.  When I look up with a big smile, Bob doesn't know how to react or what to do... he starts laughing.  "That's the funniest thing you've said yet!"

Admittedly, my hair is just a bit longer than hair I've ever had on my legs and very sparse.  Try as he could to see what I saw, it just isn't there!  I started laughing at my vision of me with a chic gelled hairdo.  He was right - very funny!

Just a dream for awhile... back to the wig.

Ironic

I've been wearing a lovely cap all weekend trying to keep my hair from falling all over the place during the day. Emily sent it to me to protect my scalp for when I lost my hair, but I've been using it to keep it all together.  It's been 3 days since the hair started to come out, but today was really bad.  Bob's been wanting me to shave my head so it wouldn't feel so devastating and to take control of it.  Because of the snow, we worked from home today. so I went one more day before I had to make a decision.  I tried to ignore it today, but it was too much even under the hat.  I couldn't imagine going to the office tomorrow picking off literally hundreds of hairs off my face and shoulders all day - I have (or had) a lot of hair! So I gave Bob the go ahead.  He was pretty excited about it, ran upstairs to get the shaver and I thought he was just preparing the razor.  I turned the corner and he was already bald!!! I laughed and cried at the same time - what an incredible thing to do!  He made it easier for me to just do it.  So I closed my eyes, covered my face and relented.  Bob talked me through the whole thing building up my confidence for the big reveal...

Hair is one of those things that makes the woman (or man).  For me, my hair was my nemesis growing up.  Being redheaded, I was ridiculed and teased for a good portion of my childhood.  I had bright red hair and was commonly referred to as carrot top.  Back then, red hair was not something everyone envied - it made me 'different' and I had to adjust my personality to it.  It really gave me the resilience against the teasing to survive and flourish.  I believe it's because of my hair that I am the way I am today.

I think I was about 16 when I was sitting in the chair at the hair salon when someone actually complimented me on the color of my hair.  It was an 'over the top' compliment - you know the kind when they call all the others hairdressers to look and marvel and question if you color it or not.  That's when I started to really appreciate my hair.  It went on like that for years and years.  Really became my signature.

I turned 40 and my color started to change.  My hair was filled with many different shades of red, blonde, light brunette.  When it started to change, the red was the first to go.  It started to turn white - like my Uncle Rudy's - one of the other Italian red head's in the family.  But the white actually looked blonde among the other colors, so most people just saw me as a blonde. 

I was helping at Sarah's play when she was in high school at Arlington a few years ago.  I was fitting kids in the costume room when someone referred to the blonde lady... and I realized it was me!  I was no longer the red head, but the blonde lady. 

Why didn't I color it?  Honestly, I didn't have the time or energy to keep it up. I never wanted to look like a dyed red head and the only way to do it was to spend an inordinate amount of time and money to make it look natural - not my style at all!  So, I finally gave up and I became a blonde full-time.

The irony is - when I was little, I always wished I was a blonde to be like everyone else. Then my wish came true... and now, I have no hair red or blonde!  All this is so bizarre and unreal for me.  But, it's all a part of the process.  Now my defining feature is not the hair on my head, but the LACK of hair on my head!!

Bob wanted to take our picture to mark the day... and he posted it on facebook!  At first I was nervous, but I don't mind revealing my new look that way - it's safer for me.  The comments come flooding in... all so kind and supportive.  My dancer 'girlfriends' made me a fabulous video to remind me to 'Let My Freak Flag Wave' and they are right!  Thanks J, L and A!!!

Most of all, I realize I am who I am - hair or not!!

Bald and Happy!

Snowy Day

We all had a snow day today.  Watched a few games, made a nice dinner, sat around watching my hair fall out... oh well.  It will grow back eventually!

It's an iPad kind of Xmas

Last weekend, while confined to my house, I was browsing the Internet when I realized I was not OK with little or no gifts for the kids this year.  They told me countless times that they were OK with it, it didn't matter, they understood.  But, it wasn't that I didn't believe them, I did.  I was missing the joy it brings me to give a gift to someone.  I knew I couldn't go out to the store then and didn't know if I could make it later in the week even.  Off my fingers went to Apple.com and 2 iPad's were ordered up for Alex and Sarah within minutes.  Bob and I were pretty excited about the surprise because we hadn't hinted at it at all and it's so much fun to surprise someone with a really cool, unexpected gift.

I tracked them all week... I knew they were in Newark, NJ on Wednesday.  I figured - no problem, they'll be here by Friday.  Thursday we got the door tag for delivery on Friday, so I signed it all excited.  What shows up on Friday??? The cases for the iPad's but NOT the iPad's!!!! I quickly go online to track them once again and find out they are at the Newburgh distribution center, but didn't make it on the truck for delivery!!! Knowing we are heading to my brother's in Beacon, Bob and I jumped and gathered the troops to head out.  We simply said 'Gotta make a stop'!!!  It was 4:45p and the FedX closed at 5:30... the clock was ticking!

We made it there by 5:20p.  I ran in and left the others in the car.  There were about 10 others standing in the room waiting.  The lady behind the counter took my tracking information and told me it would be 30-45 minutes.  I thought OMG!!! But, I didn't care.  I was there and they were almost in my grips!  So, I texted Bob to tell him it would be 'a few minutes' for them to find them... I didn't tell him HOW many minutes!!! But to my surprise, 2 minutes later a man walks out and announces my name!! My hand shot into the air - I was so excited!! At the same time, I was apologizing to the others that were waiting much longer than I was... I signed for my packages and ran out the door smiling all the way to the car!!  From the agony of defeat to the thrill of victory in an hour and a half.  I had trouble containing my excitement and it drove the kids crazy...

Originally, we were going to wait until we got back from my sister's for our own gifts, but Bob was ready to get the ball rolling early this morning!! So I gathered all the gifts under the tree, woke everyone up and we were off and unwrapping!  Shirts and sweaters, video camera, candy and of course, iPad's!!! Alex and Sarah loved them - as Bob says "unexpected gift, unexpected time".  Ok, Christmas is pretty expected, but not this year.  It was a lot of fun springing that surprise.

Off to Mass with my mother and to my sister's family for lunch.  Great group of people all giving me tons of love and support.  The great niece's and nephew's were lots of fun playing and opening gifts.  I met a few new 'in-law's to be' and ate and ate and ate.  Bob insists I'm going to gain weight during this whole cancer thing.  We'll see... still a great afternoon with them. More blessings.

We finished the day by going to Shelly and Chris's for dessert.  They are heading to Aruba tomorrow before the snow, so I won't see them for 2 whole weeks!!! I'll miss them... This is the trip we were to take and meet up with them on Jan 1st.  I'm not prepared to be out of the country and feel like crap - I think that anyone can understand that! Cancelled for this year - hopefully next year!

Have I mentioned that I've lost about half my hair?  Yeah.  I guess I'm not ready to talk about that yet.

Pillow talk

Every time I turned my head last night I thought I could feel something on my face. I was right.  When I woke up this morning, there was the evidence staring back at me from my pillow.  The beginning of something big.  I just want to get thru Xmas with it intact.  I'm curious how fast this is all gonna happen.  We'll see how much I leave on the shower/bathroom floor.  Stay tuned...

Always in the back of my mind...

Office party at the Junction 52 was not quite how we expected it to be... lousy food, no heat, no other people.  It didn't seem to matter, though.  We just decided we'd make the best of it and never go back!  Afterward, Alex and I went to see Elisa for another acupuncture session.  She was as excited as we were that my wbc counts were up so high!  As usual, we both felt very good leaving.

Sarah made a delicious dinner for us tonight.  How lucky are we??? While I was enjoying dessert, I scratched my head a bit and in my hand was a bunch of hair.  I do believe it's beginning.... scary.

I put that thought behind me as best as I could and Bob and I went off to do a little shopping for the first time this year!  I didn't last long, about an hour.  It was good to get out though.  I bought myself another hat - just in case.  Back on my mind.  Merry Christmas to me.

Bob wants us to both shave our heads before I actually lose it - a solidarity thing.  It's really hard for me to face that reality.  Once Christmas is over, I'll consider it.  I've already cut it, but having it be very very short may be easier when it starts to fall out.  I don't know - maybe a crew cut...

Gotta do

Took a shower today kind of on the late side.  While washing my hair, I realized my scalp is feeling almost numb.  Wondering if that's a sign.

Feeling very tired this afternoon.  My body is tingling, lightheaded and the inside of my mouth also feels numb.  Gotta lay down.

A close shave???

The thought occurred to me while in the shower today - "I should shave my legs".  Then I thought about enjoying the hair on my legs 'cause I won't have it much longer... then I thought about how gross it will be until that happens... ok.  I decided on one more day and I'll shave tomorrow! 
TMI - get used to it!!!!

Goal: New Hair!!

Shelly and I went to pick out a wig last week.  We found one very close to my color NOW, but not until  trying on a few options.  Some were long, short, punky, funky, attached to a hat, all kinds of things!  It was fun.  But, we all agreed on the short blondish one.  Shelly convinced Jennifer to cut it right then and there.  So, she cut my hair to match my wig and it's pretty damn close!!!  Bob loves it, but he secretly wished for a brunette!!

Check out the wig in the back... ready and waiting!